Noah

jerseyMy little Noah.  These past 2 months have been really rough for my little guy.  There has been a lot of adjusting and acclimating to new environments and lots and lots of sickness.  In the past 4 months he has had 3 ear infections, but the last 2 (in the past month) have both been horrible double ear infections, that have my baby tossing and turning and whining all night.  We were feeling like it had started to affect his hearing, and in turn his speech and that he probably isn’t as verbal as Levi is because of it.  Well, he had to prove us wrong, because last week, the kid’s language EXPLODED and suddenly he went from a very raspy grunt to saying Mama, ma (for whatever reason this is how he calls Callie), cat, gato, Nene (his nickname), Nah-no (Macho, levi’s nickname) Moh (more), ah-ma (grandma), Ya-ya (Mary’s real name), uh-oh, wa-wa (Agua). 11 words y’all!!!  11 whole words in one week!  The same week that he had this awful, 103.7 fever inducing ear infection.  SO wild!  But we are so so proud! In fact, this morning, my parents came over to pick up Levi since he was diagnosed with RSV/Bronchiolitis and needs nebulizer treatments that his daycare won’t/can’t administer, and Noah spoke his first full sentence, while screaming and crying at the top of his lungs and pointing at my parents car, “Nene bah-bye a Nah-no! Nene bah-bye a Nah-no!” Nene goes bye bye with Macho…damn near broke my heart!

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MY SICKY BABY

Because of the total number of ear infections he has had in such a short period of time (6 in 6 months, 4 in 3 months, and 2 in one month) and the increasing frequency, we though, “It may be time to speak to a specialist,” so our pediatrician recommended a really great Pediatric ENT around our area.  We have yet to make an appointment, but I think it’s really just because I’m afraid that my tiny baby is gonna need tubes in his ears.  Despite all the amazing things and all the success that I hear about, it still scares me to know that my baby is gonna be put under and that he’s going to be in pain, and I hate it! I worry about an allergy to anesthesia, about how scared he will be, about not being able to hold his hand through it, and that maybe, after all that drama, they just won’t work. We’ll see how it will all play out.  We also hear that they outgrow it around 2ish, but do I really wanna sit and watch my little guy in pain for another 8-10 months?! NOPE!  So we’re exploring this tube thing, doing our research, and hoping that for now, this is the end of the ear infections.

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103.7 FEVER BUT STILL ADORABLE!

Noah’s gross motor skills are developing so well, and his fine motor skills seemed pretty advance for a kid his age.  He can make his stacking boxes in to a small tower and then of course knock them down.  He can throw and even kick a ball!  You have no idea how excited I am to have babies that actually GET soccer!  Like, get excited when they make a goal, and will run away with the ball when I chase them.  He’s also gotten pretty good at feeding himself with a fork, not so much a spoon yet (which I wish he would hurry up and learn, because he LOVES soup and it takes forever to feed him since he’s that kid that won’t eat until he swallows what’s in his mouth after chewing for a whole minute!!).  He points and says, “Ah Nene” (para Nene/for Nene) when he wants something.  He also ROCKS at using a shape sorter.  He’s an awesome climber that is already giving Mama heart attacks, but mostly, above all, he is our sweet affectionate boy, who kisses you when you fake cry, loves to hold hands and hug his brothers, and sister and will almost always share his food with you.  Except for string cheese.  This boy LOVES his string cheese!

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BLUEBERRY PANCAKES ANYONE!

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EASTER FANCY!

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OH SNAPCHAT FILTERS! YOU CRACK ME UP!

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ALL READY FOR SCHOOL

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BREAKFAST ON OUR FIRST FAMILY WEEKEND GETAWAY

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FRESH HAIRCUT FOR PICTURE DAY

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HAHAHA! MY SON IS GONNA BE HELLA HANDSOME WHEN HE GROWS UP!

Sun Shower

Have you ever experienced a sun shower in the summer time?  Those are absolutely my favorite!  Despite all of the rain, and all of the foiled plans, and terrible thunder, the sun shines through and brightens your days just a little bit.

The situation with Callie’s aunt has not gotten any better.  In fact, it’s actually gotten worse.  The Dr said, “I thought she had cancer for quite a while, but I see how rapidly it has progressed in the week that she has been here, and it can’t possibly have been long.  A couple of months at the most.  In my 30+ years as a doctor, I have never seen a cancer so fierce and so aggressive.  I could take a biopsy from anywhere on her body and I would find cancer.”  This is a terrible thing to hear.  That sends hope straight out the window bringing on those thunderous dark skies.  She was moved to CCU, put back on a ventilator that jolts her body every time it pumps a breath of air into her.  It’s just gut-wrenching to see.  I keep thinking of hanging out at Thanksgiving and her jumping around on the coffee table singing songs and dancing.  I had never seen her so free and so open in all those years.  And now, she might not even know we are in the room talking and praying for her.  I hold it together for Callie because she is just a mess.  I hold it together for her Aunt Jasmine, who after 35 years, and not a single day apart is not allowed to make any decisions for her life partner.  They aren’t married, they don’t have a domestic partnership, Brit was too sick and sedated to sign her health care proxy.  She keeps mumbling under her breath, “We should have listened to you girls.  We should have gotten married!” and shakes her head, takes a sip of her cold coffee and goes out for her 5th cigarette in 45 minutes.  She’s struggling to keep it together.  It’s a good thing that Brit’s father loves Jasmine and won’t make any decisions without her, because he knows that she knows Brit better than anyone.  But can you imagine, having your “father-in-law” sign the DNR for your “not”wife, and then not being allowed in the CCU room to comfort her in her last hours and holding her hand when they finally take her off of life support because of legal documentation?!  I cannot even begin to process that.  It’s possible that she won’t make it past the weekend.  They gave her “a couple of days at most”, but no one really knows what that means.  So young, just 50 years old.  So unexpected, almost like it was overnight.  We’re all just devastated.  Hopeful, optimistic, but realistic.  We’ve been there every night, slowly, daily, saying good-bye.  Praying for better, but saying you can go if you need to.  It’s hard…

The rain shower?  Amidst all this sadness, my sister gets married on Saturday.  My grandfather who we affectionately call “Welo”, is in town from Puerto Rico for the wedding, and that just makes my heart soar.  He is my absolute favorite.  I spent so much of my childhood enveloped in his arms, while he sang songs to me and rocked me, even at 10 years old.  It’s where I get my eyes.  Where I get my voice.  My sense of humor and my ability to retain the most random information.  I love that man.  Even though my heart is heavy, it is simultaneously aflutter.  He met the boys for the first time and wouldn’t stop playing with them.  He sang songs to them and they looked at him and grabbed gently at his face and laughed and drooled, and it made me weepy because it made me miss my grandmother who passed 20 years ago, who would have LOVED this moment with them.  I excused myself to cry for a moment.  The joy and sadness at that very moment was overwhelming.  But it was beautiful, and in this week of deafening thunder and torrential rainstorms, the sweet respite of my Grandfather Sun Shower was exactly what I needed…

WELO AND TWO SLEEPING BOYS

WELO AND TWO SLEEPING BOYS

Blessed…

THOSE FACES!

THOSE FACES!

Two Sunday’s ago, Noah and Levi were baptized at our church.  I haven’t had much time to write about it, mainly because I was hoping to get my iMac into the Apple store for a repair (it hasn’t worked since the end of March, and I just haven’t had the opportunity to take it in for service) in order upload the 1500+ pictures that are currently stored on my SD card in my Nikon.  I have some really great pictures I wanted to add, but alas, I’ll just have to post the ones that people sent me, and that Callie and had the opportunity to take on our phones.

So back to the baptism.  I have to say (and so did everyone that attended), it was a beautiful service.  Our pastor had come over a few days before to go over the service with us.  From beginning to end, it focused on our little family.  It incorporated some our favorite hymns.  The readings (they escape me now) had to do with brother/sisterhood and loving one another.  One song that we sung that was performed by our choir at a music festival on the day the boys were born.  I had a solo to perform at the festival, and ended up having to cancel because I was in the hospital, and they sang it in it’s place.  Talk about full circle! It was just beautiful.  During the children’s portion of the service, our pastor explained to the kids what a baptism really is.  How it’s an outward expression of our love for God and an embrace from the congregation to love those children in God’s way.  And embrace us they did.  It was so touching to see so many people love on our our boys, our family, our friends.

LOVING THE STAINED GLASS

LOVING THE STAINED GLASS

For the actual baptism, the whole congregation moved to the back of the church where the baptismal font is.  It is stationed right in front of the huge stained glass windows depicting Jesus’ own baptism performed by John.  Also, a huge (floor to ceiling) pride flag hung in the background.  The sun was shining in, and there were rainbows everywhere.  The whole congregation and our family and friends stood around the font, as Noah and Levi, being held by their godparents, cooed and laughed and blew raspberries. Our pastor read some affirmations and the godparents, Callie and myself responded, and then she asked questions of the church and they responded as well.  Something along the lines of, raising them in faith, denouncing evil  and oppression both in our personal lives and in the church, about teaching and guiding them, and a promise to serve or community through God’s love.  We were totally with that, so every one said “I do” and “I will”.  The church reaffirmed the same.  Then she took the boys one at time, first Levi and then Noah, prayed over them, blessed them with Holy Water, making the sign of the cross on their tiny, curious (and not crying!) heads, and asked us (the 4 godparents and the parents and their big sister Mary of course) to put our hands on them as we all prayed for them.  I have to admit, I got a little misty eyed when people in our congregation closed their eyes, and with their whole hearts prayed for our boys.  Pastor K grabbed both the boys, walked around with them and showed them off the the throngs of people who were so impressed with how well behaved they were.

BLESSING LITTLE LEVI

BLESSING LITTLE LEVI

LEVI'S GOD PARENTS NINA (CALLIE'S BEST FRIEND JENNY) AND PADRINO (UNCLE MARCO)

LEVI’S GOD PARENTS NINA (CALLIE’S BEST FRIEND JENNY) AND PADRINO (UNCLE MARCO)

NOAH'S GODPARENTS, TIA NINA (MY BEST FRIEND NIKKI) AND HIS PADRINO (UNCLE JAY - CALLIE'S BROTHER)

NOAH’S GODPARENTS, TIA NINA (MY BEST FRIEND NIKKI) AND HIS PADRINO (UNCLE JAY – CALLIE’S BROTHER)

PRAYING FOR THE BOYS

PRAYING FOR THE BOYS

After service, Callie and I had set up a really great BBQ for everyone, and we spent the day passing babies around, eating cake and hot dogs and hamburgers, and enjoying the beautiful 80+ degree weather.  It was a great day had by all.  We played some games, talked a little more about our super inclusive church (we have a couple of new members actually), and just enjoyed time with the people we love the most. All in all, it was just a great day, with great people, celebrating our cute little guys…

Also, Mary wants to get baptized when she’s adopted.  That’ll probably be one of the first things she’ll want to do after we change her last name.  She’s all about that too….

The 30 Day Challenge Completed!

Day 30-A picture

It’s taken me a few days to finish up this 30 day challenge (more like 40 day challenge, but whatever!), but here we are at Day 30 (give or take a few days) and I’m sorta sad that it’s over.  I was really enjoying sharing my life with you all in some type of systematic way.  Now, I’ll just have to randomly insert stories into my post by *sidebar* or *parenthesis* as I usually do!  Anyways, without further ado, Day #30…

IN 24 DAYS, 15 HOURS, AND 47 MINUTES, I WILL BE 32...AND THIS WILL BE MY BIRTHDAY PLANS AS IT HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS...BESTIES, BOAT, BEER!

IN 24 DAYS, 15 HOURS, AND 47 MINUTES, I WILL BE 32…AND THIS WILL BE MY BIRTHDAY PLAN AS IT HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS…MY BRIDE, BABIES, BESTIES, BOAT, & BEER! LOTS AND LOTS OF BEER!


This past weekend was a great weekend for our little family.  On Friday, after work, I went home, changed my clothes, piled the 3 kids and the wife into the car, and headed to our little local amusement park.  When I was younger, our parents would take us once a year, and every time, it was the awesomest thing ever!!  Being so young, I didn’t realize that my parents probably blew about 3 days salary to take the 5 of us, and sometimes a cousin or two.  Back then, you could only buy tickets, not the super great “unlimited rides” bracelet that they sell now for one pretty fair price.  Rye Playland ,the amusement park in “Big” staring Tom Hanks, is the equivalent of a County Fair that is set up indefinitely.  It’s been there for decades.  The Dragon Coaster (featured in Mariah Carey’s Fantasy video) has been there since the 1920’s!  You can’t go there without riding it. I invited my sister and my two nieces, and we hung out from 6-11pm when the park was closing.  It was really great to be able to share such a huge part of our childhood with Mary and my niece.  It was even cooler watching them get their adrenaline on, and ride that Dragon Coaster by themselves.  That’s pretty brave for 7 year olds!  Went home and got ready for the next day!

Saturday, thanks to all the junk and cotton candy that Mary ate, she was pretty much out of commission all day!  She was vomiting from the second she opened her eyes at 6:30am, until she went to bed at 7:30pm.  It was pretty horrible!  I feel like such a bad mom when she’s throwing up, because just the sound of her retching is enough to keep me on the opposite side of the apartment.  “You okay honey?!  Do you need some water, or a paper towel, or a cold cloth for your forehead?!?!”, I shout down the hallway.  When she was finished, I would escort her back to bed, tuck her in, set up the iPad with the Netflix on, glass of water on the window sill, and check on her pretty often.  Most of the day she slept, the poor thing, so most of the day, we slept, babies on our chests, TV blaring, bodies sweating (we have corduroy couches – I KNOW!), and phones on silent.  It was actually not a bad day.  Sometimes, you just need a day to veg out.

Sunday, my sister Raquel had an impromptu BBQ at her place.  Her fiance, my soon to be super amazing brother-in-love on 8/1/15, was killing it on the grill!  The kids had a blast playing on the swing get, eating ice cream, kicking around a soccer ball, and enjoying the beautiful weather.  I talked to my mom about the boys baptism and in true mom fashion, she insisted that we needed more things than we had originally bought for the BBQ after the service, and made plans with Callie to go on Tuesday (yesterday) to pick up some more stuff (They picked up a TON more stuff thanks to my moms Visa card because we totally cannot afford any more frivolous purchases, and spending $50+ for “extra paper goods just in case” is just so dumb to me).  We played dominoes for a little while, and then head home, but not before getting this picture of the boys and their favorite cousin Jezenia…

LOOK AT THOSE FACES!

LOOK AT THOSE FACES!

Monday, good Ole Memorial Day, was wonderful.  First, let me say, although we haven’t been impacted by the loss of someone in our family or any of our friends, we do have a lot of family and friends who are service members in The US Navy, Marines, Air Force and Army.  4 of my first cousins have served on the front line in Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Qatar, and all over the Middle East.  They have lost many of their friends and comrades, and the day for them takes on a completely different meaning.  Our hearts were with all of them as they felt the weight and the burden of having survived while their Brothers were casualties of war.  I won’t let the politics of it all taint my vision or stop me from sharing in the fact that we are very fortunate to have these service men and women put their lives on the line for us daily.  All the time I pray that Memorial Day won’t take on a different meaning for us and our families one day.  So before we started our day, got our swimsuits on, and headed out to a cookout, we talked a little bit about why we have a “home day” and why we honor the courageous men and women who defend this country and our freedom.  I think Mary got it.  Like, really got it.

By 11am, everyone was dressed, packed, and ready to spend the day with Grandma and Pop on the boat.  We had bought the kids a small little pool to place on the back deck, and it was a hit with ALL the kids at the marina.  All 3 of our kids had a great day enjoying treats, lots of hugs and affection and attention, and splashing!  Lots and lots of splashing!  The boys only took 1 nap and weren’t even cranky all day!  We watched the military planes fly over head (there was a huge parade and military plane show at a park a few blocks over), fed baby swans, and Callie and I got to hand the boys off, have a beer, and play a game of spades just like the “Good Old days”.  Well, the days pre the new “Great Old days”!  It never ceases to amaze me how huge our village is.  It’s always so great and comforting to see how much love our little family gets.  You never really get used to it. After a long day in the sun (no sunburn, woo hoo!), we had all of the kids fed, bathed, and sleeping (completely knocked out for the count!) by 7:30pm, giving me and Callie the opportunity to “watch some tv” in bed without interruption.  Great show!!  Realllllllllyyyyyy great show! I’d have to say, all in all, the weekend was pretty successful, and with a short week at work, a meeting with our Pastor at our place tonight, an RE appointment yesterday morning (PW protected post to follow), and some last minute stuff for the baptism in 2 weeks, this coming weekend is upon us with more plans for great times with my kick-ass little family…

HOW CUTE, RIGHT!?

HOW CUTE, RIGHT!? (LEVI [L] NOAH [R])

MIRA MAMA! LOOK MAMA!

MIRA MAMA! LOOK MAMA! I’M SPLASHING!

ME AND BY KIDS...HAD TO FIT IN THERE SOMEHOW!

ME AND MY KIDS…HAD TO FIT IN THERE SOMEHOW!

Sleep Over at Wita and Wito’s

We caved!  We didn’t think we could do it, but we did!  And it was AMAZING!!!  My mom text me, and told me that she was available Friday night for a sleepover with the kids, so that Callie and I could enjoy a night out on the town.  At first, we thought it wouldn’t be right to torture my parents with a 7 year old who has been asking an incessant amount of questions and talking like words are going out of style, and 2 newborn infants that are still, for the most part, eating, crying, pooping, and waking up every 3-4 hours or so.  They might get lucky to get a 5-6 hour stretch, but those are contingent on what we like to call “Mommy Tricks”.  You know, those little things you pick up along the way, like putting a pacifier back in to a crying baby’s mouth at 2am, and rocking the pack and play for a few minutes so that they sleep for an extra 45 minutes.  Or when you pull them into bed and let them sleep on your chest while you’re inclined, just so you can get another hour or so.  Grandparents don’t know those tricks.  But hesitantly, and reluctantly, we packed up all “The Littles” things, and went over to Wita and Wito’s for a family slumber party.  Callie and I were originally going to go home after our night out, but decided to go to a bar near my parents, cab it, and stay at their house afterword.  We set the kids up, took out their pj’s, explained formula since Noah is getting 4oz now but Levi is still on 3, explained Mary’s nightly routine, kissed all the kids, thanked my parents, and head out the door (but not before my dad handed me a few rolled up bills for our “first drink”, which ended up being enough money to open a tab and take a $20 cab home!).

There is a local gay bar that we became regulars at a few years back, and established ourselves as the token lesbians.  Karaoke every Friday night, and the same people came out every week.  We never thought we would be able to go back, or if people would remember us, but when my sister Raquel dropped us off, a few of our old friends were standing outside, and couldn’t believe that we had made it out.  Our bartender friend RAN outside to greet us, gave us big hugs, and only a $20 tab for the whole night!  We enjoyed ourselves, singing some songs, throwing back a few beers, taking body shots, and dancing the night away.  It was obvious that we don’t get out much.  We called a cab, and were home before 2am for a good snuggle and a bad ass make out session.  That night, we completely bypassed the sex, so that we could get 8+ hours of sleep, while my parents tended to the kids.  It was extraordinary!  We still talked about our kids all night, and everyone was telling us how they love seeing their pictures on FB and IG, but Saturday morning we felt refreshed to take on the world (and 3 kids birthday parties).  All in all, it was great to spend a night with my lady, sans children, and remember what it was like when we first hung out.  What it was like to hold her hand, stand behind her with my hands around her waist, two stepping on the dance floor, see her face light up when I sing “Don’t Know Why” by Norah Jones, or putting whip cream on her belly and a blowjob shot in between her boobs, and knock it back with no hands! Those were the days!

DATE NIGHT WITH MY LADY (BEFORE BJ SHOTS)

DATE NIGHT WITH MY LADY (BEFORE BJ SHOTS)

SLEEP OVER AT WITA AND WITO'S

SLEEP OVER AT WITA AND WITO’S

And for no other reason, I will flood this post with pictures of my best boys…

ANYONE INTERESTED IN TAKING "THE LOVE BOAT" WITH MY LITTLE CAPTAIN?

ANYONE INTERESTED IN TAKING “THE LOVE BOAT” WITH MY LITTLE CAPTAIN?

LEVI FINALLY NOTICED THE KITTY

LEVI FINALLY NOTICED THE KITTY

NOAH TELLING MOMMY "NO MORE PICTURES LADY!"

NOAH TELLING MOMMY “NO MORE PICTURES LADY!”

LEVI BEING A LITTLE HAM

LEVI BEING A LITTLE HAM

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO CONTAIN ALL THIS CUTENESS IN ONE PICTURE?!?!

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO CONTAIN ALL THIS CUTENESS IN ONE PICTURE?!?!

Baby Dreams

These past 3 weeks I have been both pleased and plagued with baby dreams.  Some are so amazing and I see our cute little chubby boys on my chest as we cuddle and watch some TV, and then others, I am running around in what seems like endless circles, holding the hand of one toddler and screaming my head off looking for the other who is nowhere to be found.  Some mornings, I am so happy, that I wake up feeling amazing the whole day, and other mornings, in such a panic that the rest of my day is spent biting my nails and reliving the dread of the previous nights dream.  I realized that today that some these dreams may be due to the fact that I have more estrogen and progesterone coursing through my body than usual (started taking birth control pills in order to induce lactation WITHOUT the sugar pill which means 37 days of crazy hormones, and with my PCOS, this is all pretty new to me).

One night I had a wonderful dream! I mean, it was so amazing.  We were in the hospital, the boys had just been born, and I was allowed to cut the cord.  Within an hour I was tandem nursing and was producing so much milk that the hospital LC couldn’t believe that I wasn’t the biological mother and that I hadn’t been pregnant before.  They latched right on and ate for a while.  When I looked at them, they smiled at me.  I couldn’t really see what they looked like, but it was more like a feeling.  My babies were content, and they knew they were loved, and I FELT that.  I woke up, and my heart was so full that day, that even a 5:00am traffic jam first thing in the morning, spilling my whole cup of coffee as I got out of the car, and forgetting my lunch couldn’t make that feeling go away.

About 3 days later, I had a horrible dream.  It was kind of in pieces but everything felt incredibly real.  We were on our way home from the hospital.  It was pouring rain.  The streets were getting flooded so I decided to take the back roads (it’s very hilly where we live, so it made sense to me, because there was no where for the water to pool as it would all flow downhill).  In my dream, I was right, but then suddenly it started to snow.  The boys started wailing at the top of their lungs!  Callie couldn’t console them.  She told me to pull over so she could try to nurse them, or rock them a little but, but I didn’t want to because the snow was getting heavier and I just wanted to get home.  I don’t remember much of it, but I do remember not being able to stop that car as it started rolling down the hill.  I pressed the brakes but they wouldn’t catch and I could see a tractor-trailer approaching at the intersection about 100 yards away.  The car was picking up speed, Callie was  yelling “STOP!”, I was yelling “I CAN”T”, tractor-trailer tires screeching, and the inevitable sound of a crash. I distinctly remember our SUV rolling, as if something out of a movie, and then I remember the most piercing green eyes on one of my baby boys and I woke up!  I couldn’t breath! It was all so real!  This dreams were screwing with me big time.

About 2 days later I dreamt that the boys were about 3 and that we were on a Disney cruise.  They were so excited to see the Pirates Show and to have ice cream.  I remember walking on the deck, and I was holding both of their hands.  I let go of one for a second to get my wallet out for my “seacard”, and when I reached down and said, “Take my hand Bubba”, there was no response, no warmth in my hand, no resistance.  “Bubba?  Bubba?!?!”  And I freaked!!! Totally freaked!  I didn’t know whether someone had snatched him, if he had just wandered off when he saw one of the many characters walking on the deck, or if that little thing I saw out of the corner of my eye that looked like it was jumping overboard was my son! I didn’t know what to think!  I ran around the whole deck of the boat, yelling at the top of my lungs. Before I could stop myself (I can do that sometimes in my dreams), I grabbed a life vest and jumped overboard.  Before I hit the water, I woke up drenched in sweat (mainly because Callie was drenched in sweat even with a fan on in 30 degree weather and had her body drapped all over me).  I was pretty shaken up.

This morning, I woke up to such a happy, awesome dream, and that is carrying me through this day (and possibly the miserable snowstorm quickly approaching my area!).  I was in the delivery room.  Callie was laboring beautiful (according to the doula), and she was really holding it together.  She hardly screamed and didn’t curse me out.  The end… LOL! Just kidding!  After a little while (distinctly remember looking at the clock on the wall and it was 3:11am)the doctor announced that Noah was crowning.  I ran over to see and Callie yelled at me to come back and hold her hand because it hurt so bad.  So I did, and next thing I know, she pushes and on her chest they put this massive baby, with a head full of dark brown hair, and eyes as grey as morning fog.  It was incredible! Then another push and another cry at 3:13 and then 2 glorious babies were on Callie’s chest, this picture not as clear from all the tears in my eyes, and I see dark hair again (we have been debating whether we will even have AT LEAST one ginger baby {please Ginger Gods!}) and the most piercing blue eyes I have seen.  And I sang to them, and they knew it was me.  I felt it.  They kicked their little legs, and they just stared at me, wide awake, while I sang to them, as if they were dying to hear it without the muffling of that bubbling they were sitting in for so many months.  When I stopped they cried, when I sang they settled.  It was incredible.  My cat walked into the room (weird, I know!) and she started making this weird meowing sound that ended up being my first alarm.  I shut it off and tried to fall back to sleep and get back to the place I was in my dream as quickly as I could before I lost it, but no such luck.

I always hear about pregnant lady dreams, but never pregnant partner dreams.  I know they happen.  Butchjax confirms that, as her wife has been having these dreams too.  Parenthood is a scary but incredibly rewarding experience.  It’s only natural to have both of those kinds of dreams, I suppose.  I just prefer the ones that don’t involve me feeling like I am the worst parents in the world, or by babies scaring the crap out of me.  I’ll hold on to last nights dream for as long as I can…those eyes (even if that’s not what they really look like) will never leave me…

Babymoon

Provincetown at the tip of “The Cape” in Massachusetts is one of our favorite places in the world.  We love that quaint little seaside town feel.  The smell of the salty air, the beautiful sunsets, the shell and sand alleyways.  It’s all so intoxicating.  We decided that celebrating our 4 year anniversary and a well deserved Babymoon there, would be perfect!  We packed up our things, Mary’s things, and Laney’s things early Saturday morning, left our half unpacked apartment just as it was, and dropped the ladies off at their respective babysitters (other foster parents we know) for the week.  We hit the road at about 1pm and got ourselves ready for a 5+ hour drive with a ton of snacks for Callie, plenty of water, and of course, our usual road trip soundtrack, “Jagged Little Pill”.  We know every word to every song, and crack each other up with our best impressions of Alanis Morissette’s little screechy yodel.

We got there around 6:30pm, dropped our bags off at our cottage so we could change our clothes (it was chillier than we thought it would be), and went out to grab a quick bite to eat.  We made it an early night so we could go back and “sleep”.  We really needed to “sleep”.

OUR HUMBLE ABODE FOR THE WEEK

OUR HUMBLE ABODE FOR THE WEEK

Day 2 consisted of a pretty late start.  We hardly ever get to sleep in anymore (8 am is a sleep-in for us) so at 11:30am, we woke, got ready, and head out for a nice walk through the town.  We had breakfast at our favorites breakfast spot, visited loads of shops, grabbed a cool shark tooth mood necklace for Mary which we knew she would love (and she did! She won’t even take it off to shower so that she “doesn’t lose it”), had delicious homemade sherbert, and enjoyed each others company electronic free.  It was nice to have conversations about random things with Callie again.  Parenthood leads to lots of conversation about the kids, their development, what they did that day, what made you crazy, and what made you smile.  We hardly talk about adult things anymore, so I really treasured the hours worth of conversations that we had about all types of different, random things. Our second day ended with a steak dinners and a bottle of O’douls. towerDay 3 was a great day! We woke up really late (almost at 12pm) got ready and made our way into town.  Our 4 year anniversary.  It was a day to reflect on our love, on who we are as individuals, and on who we have grown into as a couple.  Every time I looked at her, I was overpowered with so many emotions.  I held her hand tighter that day, kissed her a little harder.  Images flashed in my head of the first time we held hands, kissed, made love, talked about marriage and starting a family.  Nothing in my life has ever felt as right as being next to Callie, and now our love has risen to the next level where we get to share it with our beautiful boys.  To celebrate, that day we decided to do a tour of the Pirate Museum.  It was actually pretty cool! That’s one of the things I love most about Callie.  She’s an undercover nerd like I am, and loves learning weird, random and totally useless facts about pretty much anything.  In this case, it was about the pirate ship “Whydah“.  It. Was. So. Freaking. Cool!  It’s the only real live pirate treasure ever found! We got to touch real “pieces of eight” (silver coins) that date back almost 300 years! We could have touched coins that were handled by Captain Sam Bellamy himself.  It was pretty awesome! All of the artifacts were found on the ocean floor, after searching for over 5 years for the fabled ship, all under almost 15 feet of sand.  It was all pretty neat!

Afterwards, we decided to take a walk on the beach.  It was a beautiful evening, with a slight chill in the air that was perfect for holding hands and walking pressed next to each other.  We laughed, drew in the sand, took some fantastic pictures, watched a seal show up and disappear, and placed our hands on Callie’s belly as the boys squired and wiggled and enjoyed the beach and fresh air right along with us. shadows sunset two sueybeach sil ptown coupleonsand chriscloseup That night we went out for delicious lobster and some karaoke, where I gave a shout out to my lovely lady and my boys and sang, “Just The Way You Are” by Bruno Mars that left most of the people in their seats all misty eyed, including my Callie. My boys were apparently moving around all over the place when they heard their Mama sing!

YUM!!!

YUM!!!

Day 4 started later than any other day on the trip.  We didn’t even get out of our rental until 1pm, which made it increasingly hard to find a spot for breakfast.  We did find one ( but they only served the very specific menu items with no substitutions), and while we ate, we say this guy…windowdogwhich was pretty funny! He was watching all of the people walk up and down the street and looked like a human if you watched him long enough.  That day, we took a trolley tour around the town from the restaurant laden West End and back around to the Art District on the East End.  We learned some cool things, like each house (if built before the 1900’s) has a little blue plaque in the corner that tells what year it was made in and who owned it.  We also learned that cranberries were indigenous to that area. They used to be called “Crane Berries” because the leaves looked like cranes! I KNOW RIGHT!?!?! Also learned that the Pilgrims settled in Provincetown first, but after about 2 months, and land that was un-tillable and no fresh water, they shot straight over to Plymouth.  Lots of cool stuff! We had some more lobster for dinner (You can’t beat a 1 1/2lb lobster for $15!), ended the night with some more (drag queen) karaoke which was pretty hilarious, and then went back to our cottage.  Before we went inside, we noticed that the sky was so clear that you could see what seemed like every star in our galaxy.  We stood there staring at the sky and said, “If everything is gonna be okay with the boys, you’ll let us see a shooting star.” Wouldn’t ya know, that right as I finished the sentence, a star streaked, big and bright, right across the sky! Callie and I both gasped and laughed. The universe has had so many ways of letting us know that the boys, our girls, and that we, as a family, are going to be okay.

Our Babymoon ended Wednesday morning, and it was awfully sad.  We weren’t ready to head back to our real lives.  We wish we could have just stayed out on the Cape, just the two of us, for at least a couple more days.  On the drive back, we held hands the whole way, asked each other what the 3 best things about the trip were, and looked forward to seeing our little ladies.  We promised to always make one on one time for each other, and that no matter how crazy and busy our lives get, we will always communicate what we need and do our best to give the other what they ask for.  I’m lucky to have a woman like Callie and I promised to never forget that. I don’t think I ever could, even if I tried…

pots sharlssharkbaby lobsterbite

Domperidone

Nope, not Dom Pérignon, like my friends keep thinking! Domperidone.  It’s a medication that is technically used to help relieve nausea and vomiting and a slew of GI related stuff.  One of the side effects is lactation. Honestly though, can you imagine Dom Pérignon helping to induce lactation, aside from helping to get me pregnant from a freak one night stand, since I don’t drink, and when I do, welllllllllll!?! HA! Callie wouldn’t take to that very well!

I have been trying to induce lactation for a little over 3 months now, with really no success.  ONE DROP PEOPLE! One tiny, little drop! When that drop happened, Callie and I almost went out and celebrated with a lobster dinner! Since then, NOTHING, nada, zilch! Not a damn thing! I contacted the lactation consultant at the hospital where our boys will be born, and she didn’t really have much experience with inducing lactation.  She did however give us the information for a women who is a registered nurse, lactation consultant, and exclusively breastfeed her 2 adopted daughters. Luckily for me, she lives in my area (about 15 minutes away) AND takes my insurance! SCORE!  About 3 weeks ago, I went to meet with her and told her about how long I had been pumping and doing manual expression with no success.  She was actually surprised that I knew so much about the whole process.  I am pretty well informed thanks to Dr. Google and Ask Lenore.  She took a look at my breast (apparently they are perfect for nursing!), took my weight and medical history, and gave me a prescription for…tun-tu-dah! Domperidone!

So today I started the medication, taking 20mg 4x’s a day for 2 days.  I then go up to 30mg and then 40mg in 2 day increments.  I don’t think anyone understands how incredibly excited I am about this.  To think, that I will be able to help feed, nourish, and sustain my babies while creating a bond that I didn’t think would happen being the non-belly mama, brings tears to my eyes.  I didn’t think that Callie would be behind me 100%, but she is! I think she is more excited than I am!  I know that it’s possible (and more likely than not) that I won’t get a full milk supply, but I’m okay with that.  It’s more about the closeness and the bond than anything else.  Getting milk is a bonus! From what I understand and what I have been told, I should start seeing some milk (at least more than 1 freaking drop!) in the next 1-2 weeks! If that ends up being the case, I will start storing and freezing whatever milk I DO make, so that I can have it on deck in case we end up having to supplement with a bottle.  Oh, and Callie has decided that maybe she DOES want to nurse! That has been the best part of this whole process.  Those are going to be two very lucky boys!

I hope this all ends up working out.  If I don’t produce milk, at least I’ll make one hell of a pacifier!


*I haven’t had the opportunity to write a post about our Anniversary/Babymoon vacation, mainly because we just got home at 5pm and I had to be at work for my overnight shift at 9pm.  Tomorrow, after I wake up, I will upload my pictures and write a lovely post about our even lovelier trip.  Until then, I’ll just leave you with this picture of my gorgeous girl in all of her 20+ week beauty.  (Sorry about the quality.  It’s a picture of my Nikon screen)

Babymoon Silhouette

Babymoon Silhouette

17 Weeks and a Bunch of Other Stuff

So today marks 17 weeks.  My Sweet Pea and Pumpkin are still growing in there.  They will start filling out their skin this week with tons of chubby baby fat for Mamá to squeeze and love on in a few more months.  Their cartilage is starting to turn into bone so their little kicks and punches should be getting stronger and more pronounced in the coming weeks, The developmental milestone I have been waiting for the most finally here!!! My babies are sensitive to sound and can start to recognize my voice. As a gift to our babies (And Callie, I suppose), I ordered a “Sound Beginnings” belly band with headphones so the babies can listen to music.  While I was waiting for the package to arrive this past week, I thought I would make some recordings of my voice since I will be away this weekend and Cal’s can play them for the babies.  Before you know it, I was downloading karaoke versions of songs, paying a few bucks for a voice recording app on my Mac, and spending hours recording (and rerecording) songs that I plan to sing to them once they are born.  That way they get to hear music AND my voice.  I’m a pretty decent singer, () so I figured, why not!? Callie loved it and got all teary eyed.  5 out of 21 songs are already down!
1) Our House – Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
2) I’m Yours – Jason Mraz
3) Just The Way You Are – Bruno Mars
4) Colors – Amos Lee
5) I can’t tell you because it will give away the gender!

17 Weeks and still looking HOT!

17 Weeks and still looking HOT!

Today was also my first nieces 7th birthday.  I remember the day she was born so clearly.  I was at work, wearing thermals and a respirator, covered from head to toe in baby powder, insulating a new structure in 103 degree weather.  2 hours in and half a gallon of water later, my mom calls me and said, “She’s coming!!!” I told my boss, ran outta there, and drove 80mph on the narrowest, windiest highway in our area.  I made it about a 3 minutes after she was born.  I was in love! The second that I held her she became “my Lady”.  The Lady is the best thing to ever happen to our family.  She somehow managed to bring together all the severed ends and put them in one huge knot.  Our relationship is a special one. She still loves sitting in my lap when she’s tired so I can rub her back, pulling the curls of my “springy” hair, and just lounging at my parents house and reading books together.  I hope that my relationship with my new little niece (her sister is due 11/14) will be just as special.  She’ll always be the first granddaughter, the first niece, and my best Lady.

The Lady and I

The Lady and I

Time flies!

Time flies!

 

My Sister and My Love, both expecting, both gorgeous!

My Sister and My Love, both expecting, both gorgeous!

Tomorrow morning, my best friend Marco and I will be taking what might just be my last hiking trip in a while.  Well, at least my last overnight hiking trip in a while.  Realizing that, made me really understand that in a few months everything, my entire life, will be different.  Despite how hard I fight it and how much I tried to convince myself that things were going to stay relatively the same, I now know, that is not going to be the case.  Callie has been really understanding about me needing to take this small little overnight camping/hiking trip with Marco.  She had a slight meltdown earlier while we were cooking dinner.  She has 2 birthday parties to attend on Saturday for Mary, has to run a few errands, visit with her family , and I wont be there to help her. I feel guilty leaving her but I REALLY need this.  With her being pregnant, I have been carrying most of the weight of this family. Believe me, I’m not complaining, but it does get overwhelming sometimes. I do the bulk of the cooking, cleaning, organizing, errands, taking care of Mary, laundry, and whole ton of other things.  I need a break from life for a day and need to have a real deep heart to heart with my best friend.  So we hugged/kissed it out, and I am 6 hours from a 5 hour drive to hike NY’s highest peak, Mount Marcy.

And finally, the Anniversary/Babymoon vacation is booked!! WOO HOO!!! We have been alternating between our 2 favorite places every year, Provincetown on the cape in Massachusetts (the gayest little town ever) and Rainbow Mountain (a little gay resort tucked away in the Pocono Mountains).  This year is no different.  We will be spending a week in PTown to celebrate our anniversary and our upcoming little ones.  There’s some talk about possibly getting married out there! It’s still in the air, but we figured, why not! Just the 2 of us, with an officiant, on the beach during sunset.  Who knows! I might come back a married women.  I’ll get to try doing my first maternity shoot and try out some of my new photography equipment.  I’m really just excited to spend some uninterrupted time with my sweetie while we enjoy good food, good music, and each others company and undivided attention.  These 4 years have passed by in a blur but almost slow motion at the same time.  I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us next. Wherever that is, I’m excited and ready for it, as long as Callie is the woman by my side…

Sorry about the quality, but I actually won this competition!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkYEZnqWwSg