6 Months and So Much More…


I can’t believe that this little guy is 6 months old! Well, 6 months, a week, and 2 days at this point, but nonetheless, 6 whole friggin months! I’m still in awe that my tiny little premature 3.9lbs baby is this chubby little wiggly, giggly, drooly thing.  It’s also interesting to think that just under a year ago, we did this TWICE over and it’s all still so new.

Austin Ryan is approximately 16lbs, you know, the “let me hold this baby while I weigh myself” strategy.  At 6 months old, adjusted age at 27 weeks or exactly 4 months and a day (which is weird how that works out!) he already weighs more than the boys did at almost a year old!  This kid can eat!  He drinks anywhere from 4-5 ounces every 2-3 hours.  The only time he doesn’t follow that schedule is when he is sleeping, but he’s not that great of a sleeper…at all.  Unlike his brothers, who by 4months were sleeping through the night, Austin is still waking up regularly every 3-4 hours.  He goes down at 8pm, then gets up just before midnight and takes another bottle, then goes down again until about 3am, and then again at around 5:30-6pm.  He’s still nursing, and we co-sleep after his 3am feeding, but we’ll get into that in a few.  I’m starting to wean (seriously sobbing here folks) and it’s really just a lot to handle right now.

We have had a few concerns with Austin’s development, so we had him evaluated by Early Intervention. As we anticipated, our suspicions were right.  Austin has a bit of a delay when it comes to his gross and fine motor skills.  He just recently (within the past 2 weeks) started holding his head up and pushing up on his hands, but still isn’t really reaching for anything since he is still heavily relying on his hands to hold him up.  He also started rolling from belly to back at about the same time.  The good thing is, cognitively, there are no concerns.  He follows objects with his eyes.  He coos and laughs.  He smiles socially.  Everything else looks pretty good, but he’ll be starting services pretty soon.  I’m scheduling a meeting with his coordinator as we speak, to try and get him started ASAP with his twice a week therapy.  Otherwise, this little guy is doing everything he needs to do.  IMG_5136

Now, breastfeeding…I’ll be honest, I don’t even know how to write about this without being in tears.  So for many reasons (which I’ll explain) I have decided to stop nursing Austin and start weening.  I’m super sad about it y’all, and haven’t stopped crying since last night when I finally made the decision.  I’ve been going back and forth about this for the past almost 2 months, since Austin went from drinking 3oz to drinking about 5oz.  So, since Austin was born, it has been quite the struggle to get my supply up.  From day one, he was taking 10cc’s of breast milk.  I was making just that.  When they were gradually increasing him in the NICU (2-5cc’s about every other day) my body was able to keep up with his needs, and I basically exclusively pumped and he was getting about 70/30 breast milk/formula until we left the hospital.  Nursing Austin those first few weeks at home were really difficult.  He was having a hard time latching and he wasn’t able to get all of the milk and properly drain my breasts, so most of my first few weeks of him being home consisted of nursing, pumping, washing pump parts and bottles, and doing it all over again.  For some strange reason, my left breast wouldn’t respond to a pump OR a baby well, so I always have to hand express the left breast, so if feeding and pumping wasn’t enough of a pain in the ass, I ALSO have to hand express! I’ve ALWAYS had to supplement with formula (almost always, 2 of his 8-10 bottles a day were formula, and I am absolutely OK with that!).  I’ve taken every herb you can think of, drank enough water to probably hydrate every person in China TWICE, and even used Domperidone as a last resort to increase my milk supply as much as possible, and even then, after all of that, I was still only pumping about 8oz a day. Not a session but A DAY, and that was a freaking good day, because on average it was closer to about 6.  IMG_5104

I gave it 6 god months and that’s not including all of the months that I did my best to try and nurse Noah and Levi.  I LOVE nursing Austin.  I adore the way he reaches for my fingers, or how he looks at me and smiles mid nurse.  I will never get enough of his big, beautiful brown eyes staring up at mine.  I don’t know how I’m going to handle this when he doesn’t nurse, AT ALL anymore, and even thinking about it is enough to make me tell me boss that I’m not feeling well, so that I can go home and throw myself onto my bed and heavily sob about it.  Nursing and pumping is such hard work, and the amount of hard work that it takes to come home after 3 30 minute pumping sessions with hardly enough milk to make one bottle is really disheartening and saddening and upsetting.  It’s frustrating that no matter what I do, I just can’t make enough milk.  And the shit is, I was totally OK with that until this past month.  I was absolutely fine with just nursing him when I was at home and diligently pumping throughout my work day, but it’s gotten to be too much for too little.  There are also other things that played a role in this.  For starters, my two big toes have pretty terrible nail fungus (all those years of playing soccer and ingrown toe nails and what have you) and the only way to correct it is to take an oral medication (which I can’t take because I’m nursing) or to pull the nails off and laser the nail bed (which they won’t do until I’m done nursing).  Also, I went to see a bariatric surgeon on Friday in order to get gastric sleeve surgery (that’s for another post entirely!) but because of the caloric intake that is required for nursing as well as the water intake, not only for myself but for milk production, it would be extremely easy for me to dehydrate if I were nursing. Those 2 things combined with the small amount that I’m producing, it just seemed like, for me, it was probably time, despite not wanting to at all.IMG_5128

I know that solid food if coming now.  I KNOW that he is getting what he needs from formula, but it breaks my damn heart to know that I won’t have all of our special cuddles, if that makes any sense.  I’m really struggling here friends.  This is a tough, sad day for me.  I’ve gone from pumping at  9, 12, and 3 at work, to 10 and 2.  Then I nurse him when I get home at 6, then I’ll nurse him again around 10, and then at 6 before we head out to daycare.  I’ll do that for the next week or so. Then I’ll take it down another 2 sessions, and we’ll go from there and re-adjust again.  And to makes matters all the more pleasant, I also started my period after almost 17 months!  Levi didn’t get approved for speech therapy because he doesn’t have a significant ENOUGH delay (he’s at a 12 month level for speech which only puts him at a 25% delay and he needs a 33% delay to get services), so that sucks because he needs it!  Noah is having tube surgery in August.  My poor baby couldn’t hear at the appointment when they did his hearing test (little drum tapping mechanical stuffed animals making noise in the corners of a room that he was supposed to look at when they turn on, and half the time he had no clue they were making noise), and of course Mama was a hot, snotty, crying mess!  Mary’s adoption may take longer than we originally anticipated because the caseworker that we have been working with for over 2 years got reassigned to a different district so we will have a new worker taking over who has to get all of her paperwork in order, and it’s just a true pain in the ass.  So basically, the past couple of days have been…days, to say the least.  Wish this mama some luck with keeping her emotions in check this week and if you don’t pray, do whatever it is that you do and send some calming, “help with this new adjustment” vibes this way.  I sure could use them…

Good thing this face helps…




23 Weeks!

23 Weeks!  It’s been a pretty awesome few weeks.  This pregnancy has really been good to me and I am really enjoying it.

How I’m Feeling this Week: This week has been pretty great.  I had a lot of stuff going on and finding out the babies gender last Friday was a lot more exciting than I thought it would be.  Now I feel more connected to Biscuit, trying out names and seeing how we feel about them.  Still feel excited about having seen Biscuit on the scan (the sonographer was horrible but at least we gout one decent [???] picture). And the profile looks similar to Levi!



How Big is Biscuit: Biscuit is about the size of a Spaghetti Squash!  Those things are pretty huge, but the way this baby feels, and all the movement, I really swear it’s bigger then that!  Also, the size of a football, which is great because, well, football season!  LET’s GO GIANTS!

Baby Bump News?:  The bump is huge, my friends! I have to say, I have never, in my life, have felt as sexy as I have being pregnant.  Which is weird, because I thought it would be the complete opposite.  I think it might be how much Callie touches me, or the attention I have been getting because you know, maternity has brought out the femme in me, which i didn’t expect.  We have loads of movement, enough that when Callie and I lay in bed, she has actually felt the kicking.  It’s so awesome to be on the other end now and see how excited she gets, because I remember that, so vividly.  Also, hiccups!  Lots of Biscuit hiccups!



Sleep:  I’ve been a little more uncomfortable when it comes to sleep.  It takes me a little longer than usual to go to sleep (I’m one of those people that knocks out the second my head hits the pillow!), but once I do, I’m out for the count!

Food Loves/Hates:  Peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches! So damn delicious!  But that’s about the only thing I’ve been eating because nothing is really appealing lately.  Nothing has been like, “oh yes!  I HAVE to eat that!”  Everything has just been, well, blah.

Symptoms:  I have been getting lots of numbness in my right leg.  I will be walking or sitting and suddenly, the right side of my thigh, from the butt to the knee will go completely numb.  Still waiting for my doctor to email me back, so we’ll see, but every woman who has ever been pregnant that I have spoken to seems to think it’s my sciatic nerve.  Makes sense, except the only symptom is numbness and no real pain (not that I’m complaining!).

Next Scan:  We have an appt on 11/19 for another glucose tolerance test and BP check.  Lat appointment my BP was down from 142/91 to 134/80, so I’m really happy about that.  I have been doing my best to try and watch what I’m eating, eliminating salt from my diet, and drinking loads and loads of water.  The doctor and the perinatologist seemed pretty please, and that paired with a great result on my glucose test made ME happy!  Next scan is 12/4 just to measure baby but another peek at Biscuit will be great!  MIght actually splurge and spend the $150 to go to one of those 4D places in 2 weeks.

Sex:  If we are talking about the babies gender, well, we definitely know now, and we’ll be sharing once we tell our friends and families this weekend.  But if we’re talking about actual, mind blowing, earth shattering, boundary pushing, physical sex, yeah, we’re having that.  A lot.  Every night all this past week.  Some switch inside me just went off, and I can’t get enough of it.  Callie has been more than accommodating.  Switching “roles’ and everything…it’s been fun and interesting, to say the least.

Overall Feelings:  This experience so far has been better than I ever imagined it could have been.  I’m really, really enjoying this journey.

Something I Didn’t Expect:  Seriously, all joking aside, I didn’t expect to feel so sexy and free.  I thought pregnancy would restrict me, make me feel gross or unattractive, but it has done the complete opposite.  I has really been a positive experience for me, and I hope that it continues to be that way until the end.


SO we bought a minivan, and moved up to being real soccer moms.  Mary LOVES the new car, and has not stopped talking about all the features.  It’s got automatic doors and trunk, leather interior, lots of space, 2 TV’s, middle section of chairs swivel and face the back and you can place a table in the middle where they can play games when we road trip, navigation, rear camera, and an awesome center console with loads of compartments for all kinds of crap.  It’s a road-tripping family’s dream!  Callie never thought she would like a minivan, but she loves it!  She loves it so much she should marry it!  New Car



levicarWe also went to my nephews 3rd birthday party last weekend, and the kids got to show off how freaking adorable they look in their costumes!



Sunday we spent the day at the NY Hall Of Science Museum before heading home and watching our beloved Giant’s spank those cowboys!  I knew they would have loads of cool stuff for Mary and my niece to enjoy, but I didn’t expect them to have nursery/toddler area where little babies could explore science too. Noah, Levi, and my little niece Jezenia, really enjoyed playing with scarves, climbing in the foam mats, and playing the drums.  They LOVED those drums!





It’s been a couple of really great days!

19 Week

19 weeks!  It’s just crazy!  Time has gone way to quickly!

How I’m Feeling this Week: It’s been a tough week for me, relationship wise.  Callie and I had a tough go this week, mainly based around finances (her being offered a job making REALLY good money and deciding against it, although I completely understand why, but doesn’t mean I’m happy about her decision! No matter what I support her and we’ll figure it out).  In regards to pregnancy though, it’s been pretty great!

How Big is Biscuit: Biscuit is the size of a MANGO!  Yummmm!  I remember my first month of pregnancy and all I wanted was to eat mangoes all day and night, and now our baby is the size of one, and growing rapidly from here, which is what i understand.  Something about a growth spurt these next 2-3 weeks.  Also, for you like minded folks who find these fruit comparisons have too many variables, Biscuit is the size of a softball.  Imagine?! 

Baby Bump News?:  I’ve noticed that I am definitely looking more pregnant and all of my button down shirts have started to to struggle with the buttons a bit.  Otherwise, this baby is growing. Also, MOVEMENT!!!!  I wasn’t convinced at first, but now i KNOW this baby is moving around.  I’m still not used to feeling it, so most of the time it totally catches me off guard.  Callie can’t wait to be able to feel it, and I remember being in her shoes not even a year ago.  It’ super exciting to actually start feeling what pregnancy feels like.



Sleep:  No issues with sleep at all…yet…not even having to pee in the middle of the night!

Food Loves/Hates:  Cheese sandwiches!!!  YUMMY!  And still don’t really want salad…it’s weird because I LOVE salad!

Symptoms:  Nothing at all actually…not even a headache in the past week.  Actually, I take that back.  I think I may be experiencing some slight round ligament pain.  I think that’s happening…

Next Scan:  My next appointment is scheduled for October 8th, for the anatomy scan.  Still can’t decide if we want to find out, but I’m leaning more towards yes…kinda…maybe…

Sex:  Because of the crappy week Callie and I had, we barely cuddled so it’s fair to say sex was non-existent this week.  Also baby sex/gender area, still no idea, but I’m dead set that it’s a girl  Haven’t even looked at any boys names at all…

Overall Feelings:  I’m excited about actually looking pregnant, so that’s making me feel really happy.  Also, being almost half way, and also a few weeks away from viability makes everyone feel awesome, or is that just me?!

Something I Didn’t Expect:  I wasn’t expecting what it feels like to have a baby moving around inside of me.  I always thought it would be just, I dunno, very exact and obvious, but it wasn’t.  It’s weird, but also really comforting.  I’ve been using the doppler less, because with all the blood pressure stuff I was freaking out thinking that this baby was not ok, but with the movement, I didn’t expect to suddenly just feel relief.  I don’t have that overwhelming feeling that things are gonna get all screwed up and something terrible is gonna happen.  I didn’t expect that almost half way through, I would be embracing this pregnancy and really starting to live it.

And as usual, no post would be complete without these guys!playing Turtlesfacetime raincoat1 raincoat2

18 Weeks

Well, 2 weeks shy of being half way through this pregnancy.  That is both the best thing ever and also very sad.  I still haven’t decided if I love being pregnant, but then again there isn’t really much to love yet.  I’ve just started showing, and I am JUST starting to feel some movement (although I’m not convinced), and not knowing the gender (despite me wanting this baby to be a surprise) is making me feel a little, I dunno, disconnected?!  I think that will all change soon though, as this pregnancy starts getting more real.

How I’m Feeling this Week: I feel pretty awesome this week.  I’m not as tired all the time, and I’ve been enjoying the crisper weather that autumn is bringing in.  I absolutely hate the summer, and look forward to fall and winter.  So mix that with the burst of energy you get in the second trimester and well, things are pretty great!

How Big is Biscuit: Biscuit is about the size of a green pepper, or about the size of a small electric shaver.  Weighing roughly 7 ounces and measuring about 5 1/2″ from head to bottom.  Baby is forming some vernix and the ears are just where they should be now.  The alveoli are beginning to form in baby’s lungs and the vocal chords are forming as well!

Baby Bump News?:  This bump is definitely growing, and daily I am starting to feel more and more pregnant for sure!



Sleep:  Sleep has actually been pretty awesome!  In fact, Callie has been really great about letting me sleep in.  We have a system.  On Saturday’s, she sleeps in and on Sunday’s I sleep in. The past few weekends have resulted in us having to leave the house early, so she has let me have Saturdays instead…still have very vivid strange dreams from time to time, but for the most part, I don’t really remember much of it…

Food Loves/Hates:  Nothing really, but we went apple picking last Sunday and I have had apples pretty much every day.  Last night I made a braided apple pie which is delicious!!!

Symptoms:  Started to feel some MOVEMENT!!!  I’m still not all the way convinced, but I feel it most at night, when I lay on my side and spoon Callie.  It’s hard to really explain what it feels like.  People say like bubbles, or like gas, sometimes even like flutters, but I’m not sure if that’s what it really feels like to me.  I can’t really describe it, but I’m pretty sure it’s Biscuit!  And that is super exciting!

Next Scan:  My next appointment is scheduled for October 8th, for the anatomy scan.  I had an appointment yesterday just to check my BP and to give urine and do the AFP blood work.  Should get the results in a few days.  I was a little sad at my appointment though.  Our OB, who we ABSOLUTELY ADORE is pregnant.  I got a call last week that she was going to be out early on leave (at 24 weeks) because she was put on bed rest.  We were worried about her, and were given an appointment with the midwife at the same medical group, who just so happened to be my doctor before I switch to my OB since the midwife doesn’t do deliveries anymore.  The appointment went well (BP totally ok, and no protein in urine) but since the midwife has HER patients and also MY doctors patients, they are giving me a new doctor which I am not happy about.  He worked with my OB Dr. M, and Dr. M’s nurse Chrys is AWESOME and she’ll be working with him, so that will help, but I’m still not happy about it.  Chrys assured us that Dr. M said she would definitely be back for when I deliver, since her TRIPLETS are due in early December!  When i found out it was triplets, I couldn’t even be mad any more!  Freaking triplets!  Wow!!!

Sex:  ???

Overall Feelings:  I’ve been getting more and more excited about this pregnancy as it has progressed.  I’m excited to experience more movement, and baby hiccups, and seeing this little thing on the screen in just under 2 weeks.  I’m curious to know if my intuition is right, since I can’t help but feel with my whole heart and gut that Biscuit is a girl, but at the same time, I crave that surprise.  I still have 2 weeks to think about it, although the prospect of another Gender Reveal Party is really appealing!  HAHA!  Anything for a party!

Something I Didn’t Expect:  I didn’t expect to want to BE super pregnant.  People at work are starting to notice, and my family can totally see my little pump now.  I didn’t expect to want a natural delivery sooooo badly.  I had a dream the other night, that I blacked out while I was laboring, and woke up to a baby boy who wouldn’t latch after having a C-section and NO RECOLLECTION whatsoever of having had him.  It was freaking scary and my worst nightmare!  So I didn’t expect to be really sad and scared about maybe, just maybe having a c-section.  It’s really 50/50 odds though, isn’t it.

Also, Callie and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary on Sept 22, but I haven’t really had a chance to write about that, but I’ll get to it i swear!

usSo friends, there ya have it…week 18!

Oh and as always, these guys…nene nen1 macho1 macho

14 Weeks

14 weeks (and +3 days at this point) and things seem be to be going very smoothly.  I’m starting to get little bursts of energy back, but I still spend a lot of my free time (whatever that means when you have a wife and 3 kids) sleeping.  We went out on the boat on Saturday and I slept for the majority of the day after only swimming for about an hour or so.  I dried off a little, went into the cabin, and took a 2.5 hour nap with Levi…then he woke up, Noah promptly went down, and I slept another hour and 15 minutes with him.  Sleep is just…sooooo good!

How I’m Feeling this Week:  Much much more like my normal self.  Having what my doctor calls “growing pains”, which is just a ton of weird cramping, and stretching.  My assumption is that Biscuit is just in there growing.  I’ve also been a bit less cranky and grump than I have been the past few months.  I’m pretty sure Callie appreciates that, as I’ve been kinda, sorta mean to her lately.  It’s been pretty bad.  But I’ve also done my fair share of apologizing, although, probably not as much as I should have.  Definitely not as much as I should have.  I’m also feeling like I need lots of affection lately, and I feel like I need to be able to sleep naked more, but when you have a 7 year old at home, that isn’t “your kid”, it’s hard to be able to do that.  And having to sleep with the door open so we can hear the boys next room over (thanks the LAWD they are finally in their own room and we can close up this damn pack-and-play that has been monopolizing the space in our already tiny room) makes it all the more difficult.  But this week, I’m feeling pretty alright.

How Big is Biscuit: About the size of stress ball (should actually go and buy one of these) or roughly the size of a lemon.  About 4 inches long, which still just seems so incredibly tiny to me.  We’re talking about the size of the palm of my hand! That’s wild! Baby is also weighing about 1.5oz.  Also, Biscuit is probably sporting some super soft lanugo, and wiggling up a storm, even though I can’t feel it yet.

Baby Bump News?:  I was told by several people this weekend that my belly is definitely starting to show.  I can tell you, my pants are starting to feel it.  I can no longer close a SINGLE pair of my pre-pregnancy pants with the exception of a pair of brown chino pants that I got a size too big.  Otherwise, I have been wearing all of work pants and all of my shorts with no top button and just a belt to hold them up on my waist.  I believe, I will have to go take a trip to the store and try and score some OK maternity pants that don’t hug too much in places that I’m not comfortable with them clinging.  Also, you could totally tell that the bump is appearing when I wear my Speedo swimsuit.  It’s crazy to actually see my body changing, and then to feel it when I lay in bed at night.  Something tells me that I’m gonna get pretty big during this pregnancy.

Sleep:  I’ve been having these ridiculously weird (and mostly scary) dreams.  About a week ago, I woke up and asked Callie if I had been in jail.  In a haze, she answered, “No..why would you ask that?!”  In my dream, I had been thrown into jail for fighting at a bar, i spent what felt like an eternity in there, but it was really only 3 days.  My friends Marco, Nikki, and T had come to visit me and they kept looking at me weird as if they new something but I didn’t.  My sister came to pick me up from jail, but I wouldn’t leave until I said good-bye to all the friends I had made, and the warden made me go through like some weird obstacle course to get out. Then I walked out into the parking lot and all my friend and my siblings were waiting there with their swimsuits and beach chairs.  We were about to get into the car, and my water broke, but I wasn’t visibly pregnant.  In my dream I woke up, and was in a room that I used to live in with black lights and neon wall coverings.  I asked Callie if I had been to jail, and she said, “Of course you did honey, remember?!”  So I started asking her what happened.  She said that I got into a fight and got locked up.  Then I told her that it was weird becasue I hadn;t felt the baby move, and she gave me a look of horror like she was waiting for me to figure it out and I finally did.  “You don’t remember much do you?  You must have blocked it out because of all of the trauma”.  I knew right away that there was no more baby.  And I started screaming at the top of my lungs, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU’re LYING!  NO, NO, NO, NO, NO”…it was terrible!! And then I woke up, panting and sweating and asking her if I had been to jail.  It was so strange!  So I whimpered on and off the whole night, while Callie held me and kept telling me it was ok.

Then there was a zombie dream, where my whole entire family was in a house that we had found while it was empty, and we could see the river from out window, and there were people floating all over the place in the river, and the doors stopped locking, and the windows had no locks on them at all, and there were mattresses and cushions blocking out all the light and hiding us from the walkers outside.  Then  heard a baby cry and realized that it was Noah in the other room, and I wasn’t sure if he was getting eaten or if he just wanted his moms, so Callie ran out and I went behind her with Levi in on hand and a lamp in the other to hit a zombie in the head if I had to.  She grabbed Noah, and brought him back into the room, and then I realized that the walkers had heard him crying and were making their way up the stairs, and we had no freaking locks!  So I start freaking out and silently crying, holding onto my family, as the door starts to rattle!  I wake up, covered in sweat, holding into Callie for dear life!

Last night, I was being tortured as a sex slave, for none other than Rumpelstiltskin from Once Upon a Time…seriously, it was super weird!  And no one would believe me when I escaped, so he found me again, put electric nipple clamps on me, and would constantly taze me.  It was just horrible!  And every time i cried out in pain, it would be turned up a notch.  There was more, but I can’t really remember it, but I was super scared to go back to sleep because I didn’t want the dream to pick up where it left off, like it has so many of these past nights.  I wish these dreams would just chill out for a little bit!

Food Loves/Hates:  Give me all the orange juice in the world!  Please!!! I have gone through about 3 gallons of orange juice in a week.  I can’t get enough.  Also, please, i’m begging you, keep that damn salad away from me!

Symptoms:  Just weird dreams, some weird cramping, and debilitating gas.  I get what Callie’s family calls “Gas in your ass”, you know, when you feel like your taint is being sliced with a box cutter…that kinda gas.  I’m gonna have to get something for how terrible it’s been and to  help me expel some of this god awful air!

Next Scan:  My next scan is scheduled for October 8th, for the anatomy scan.  I also have an appointment on September 24th (possible ultrasound) to check my blood pressure and to do a non-fasting glucose test to see where my sugar is since it’s been pretty broderline for the past 2 years or so.  At my scan this past Thursday (the NT Scan), Biscuit (13w6d) was measuring 2 days ahead at 14w1d, and was just as cute as ever, waving at moms and at Wita (who shed some tears watching baby moving on the screen), but she was too busy being busy to let them get a great measurement.  After jiggling her around a little bit we got a good measurement.  Biscuit measure 1.6, which is good, but we haven’t gotten the results from the blood work yet, but I’m sure it’s all gonna be fine.  So far, everything looks good! And (she) sorta looks like she has Levi’s profile.  Cutie!Biscuit

Sex:  I’ll take it! It’s been pretty consistent these past few weeks…now that I have a little more energy, I hope it pics up in frequency.

Overall Feelings:  A bit overwhelmed with the idea of buying maternity clothes.  I’m excited to be possibly showing sooner than I expected, but also devastated that there isn’t anything cool and my style to wear.  It’s still 90 degrees here in NY, which is about 10-15 degrees above normal, and I’m not sure how much longer I can get away with wearing some of the stuff I’m wearing.  I’m one of those people who has been the same size for over 10 years (36×30 pants, and L shirt, XL sweater) so I go into the store, grab what I need, and get the hell out.  Shopping takes me all of 30 minutes for a whole season!  Knowing that I’ll have to go into a store, probably not find ANYTHING that I like, and have to settle, just has me dreading having to go!  But I’m excited about pre-natal yoga at the Destination Maternity, so I’ll take that!  Maybe I should shop after yoga, and go in with a clear mind and an open heart.

Something I Didn’t Expect:  Being excited about my body changing.  With all of my ideas about gender expression, and my image, and being overweight, I didn’t think that I would be so excited to see a bump growing under all this chub and over-sized clothes. When Callie and I lay in bed, she puts her hand on my belly and talks to Biscuit and I wonder if she thought I was that adorable and cute when I did it to her.  I didn’t expect to take daily “bumpie” and then scroll through my phone analyzing and scrutinizing the tiniest of changes.  Soon enough, I’ll post a bump pic, just not ready to put myself out there yet.  I at least need to get myself some maternity pants…

Also, these guys…

Noah Back









Bachelorette Weekend and 9 Weeks

My 2 week hiatus is due mainly to nausea, excessive tiredness, teething babies, and a ridiculously insane weekend for my sisters Bachelorette party. Forgive me…

Last weekend, my sister Raquel’s “Despedida De Soltera” (translation – Farewell to Being Single) was a Saturday and Sunday away to the East Coast’s budget version of Las Vegas, Atlantic City.  I have to say, I was little nervous about going because 1) we are on a very, very, very tight budget, so gambling and drinks were kind of out of the question for us (especially drinks for me),



2) being away from my 3 kids for a long time (first time the boys stayed away from home, but they were in good hands with Tia Nina [my best friend Nikki, their Godmother] and her Fiancè Titi, who took them on a Toys R Us shopping spree!!!) And 3) A 3-4hr drive with lots of nausea and limited bathroom breaks.  I have to say though, we had a BLAST!!!

We started the trip at a really awesome beach bar called “The Bungalow”.  They had a ton of beds and benches and hammocks all over the place.  The wings and fries we ordered were delicious, the DJ was playing some awesome music, and from what I hear, the drinks were on point!  So on point in fact, that about an hour and a half after being there, we all headed home so that my sister could sober up in order for us to get going for our dinner and clubbing that evening. My mom FORCED her to sleep it off for the next 2 hours, while the rest of us went to the private beach at our hotel.









While my sister slept and then showered and got ready (in my moms room), my mom decorated my sisters suite with more phalluses than I care to admit.  I mean, seriously..there were dick’s EVERYWHERE! Straws, plates, candy, cakes, games, decorations, and tons of other crap!  I spent most of those 2 days saying, “You better get that damn dick outta my face!”  We all got dressed and ready for an evening out, all dressed in black (as per my sisters request) and she was looking AMAZING in a skin tight, red mini dress. We met up at my sisters Suite for an hour or so of drinking, games, and lots and lots of pictures.  We toasted her upcoming nuptials, her amazing life so far, and her pretty awesome husband to be.  We LOVE that guy!  Sebastian is gonna be an amazing member of our family, a great father and husband, and knowing that my kids and nieces and nephews get to have such a kind and loving and funny and fun uncle, well, that makes me really happy.  Next week, I’ll write a little more about the both of them, and their incredible relationship, as I’ll be officiating their wedding next Saturday 8/1 (the service turned out pretty amazing, if I do say so myself!).  So yeah, we hung out for an hour, waited for the shuttle to take us back to the AC strip where we went to dinner at a classy burger joint, and then went for a night of dancing at Cuba Libre, a Cuban restaurant turned nightclub after hours.   out6 out1 outWe partied the night away.  EVERYONE was absolutely and totally wasted.  Good for them!  I would have done the same.  We got back to the hotel around 2:30am and a handful of my cousins and Raquel came back to our suite (which I shared with my sister Nat, my brother Pudge, his boyfriend Seven, my cousin and Callie), and we talked and laughed and ordered Pizza until 4am!  It was awesome to be able to spend time with my siblings and my cousins, like we used to when we were younger, before we all grew up and moved out or away.

The next morning we all met up for the continental breakfast.  I mean, why else do you stay in hotels?!?!  We had a laugh over waffles, and then packed up, checked out, and headed over to the Tropicana casino to use our $20 voucher from $20 shuttle ride of the



night before.  Can you believe that I won over $200 on my $20 voucher!?!?!  Yup!!! I took $200 for the weekend and come home with $220!  Pretty awesome stuff!  So we went to the Fiesta Buffet because the crab leg craving was pretty intense, and after about 4 heaping plates of crab legs, we got in the car at 4pm and made our way home.  A 3 hour drive with 2+ hours of traffic and picking up our kids from 2 different locations (one in the city and another about an hour North) we finally made it home at 10:40pm!  But it was all totally worth it! My sister had the Bachelorette party she always dreamed of, and that’s all that mattered!

So today makes 9 weeks for me!  These past 9 weeks have NOT been pretty.  I am ashamed to say that I am the epitome of what movies make pregnant woman out to be.  I am irritable, nauseated, cry at the drop of a hat, sluggish, exhausted, unmotivated, and can sleep for hours on end!  I am the type of person who NEVER sleeps.  I can do fairly well all week on 3-4 hours a night.  I think I have napped more in the past 4 weeks than I have in my entire life combined, but you know what!?  Screw it!  I’m pregnant and I’m loving every second of it!

I met with our OB for my first appointment this past Wednesday.  She is the same OB that Callie had and we absolutely adore her.  She’s young and hip and funny, and is a mother herself to a 13 month old, which to me sometimes makes all the difference.  We did all the “first OB appt.” stuff like blood work (about 20 vials of blood to be exact), blood pressure (A little high but that’s been my norm since I was 17 at 134/88), weight (I’m down 15lbs since I weighed myself 3 days before transfer from 244 to 229 [dude, i totally just told you all my weight!]) and ultrasound to make sure that Biscuit is measuring where it should be, which it is, at exactly 8w5d with an EDD of 2/26/15! We have a ton of winter babies!  Callie is 12/26, The Boys are 1/11, Gracie our Kitty is 1/15 and Mary is 1/31!



So with everything looking good so far with the exception of my BP, she sent my off with a huge orange container to collect my urine for 24 consecutive hours, just to make sure there isn’t any protein in it and be ahead of possible preeclampsia, in case it does happen.  Also, I’ve been taking Metformin for my PCOS and borderline sugar stuff, so she wants me off of it at 10 weeks, and then 2 weeks later when I go in for my Nucal (sheesh it’s going fast!), they can do an early, non-fasting Glucose Test (yup, the delicious juice drink everyone raves about!) to get ahead of gestational diabetes, if that ends up being the case. Let’s hope and pray, that’s not the case.

Aside from that, symptoms have been pretty much the same.  I don’t see any growth although my pants are starting to feel a little more snug, and the food cravings (aside from those crab legs on vacation) have subsided.  The smells though, yeah, that’s still going on…strong!  Still haven’t been able to change a poopie diaper, although I HAVE tried a handful of times, and gag through my rescue calls to Callie, while I hold a flipping baby’s legs up in the air and cover my face with my t-shirt.  Not my finest moments as a mom, that’s for sure.

But alas, things are well.  Everyone is happy, and growing (and teething!), and sitting up, going to art classes, and enjoying summer, and living.  Really really living!

It’s Official!

As of 6w4d, we have a heartbeat!!!  Little Biscuit has a heartbeat, people!  I don’t know why I was so concerned about him/her not having one, but I was, and it scared that crap out of me, and I held my breath for the first minute of the ultrasound.  But then we saw it! That wonderful little flicker that lets you know that something in there is moving!  That your baby is alive and well.



Some of you may be wondering why this post isn’t protected.  Well, because for the most part, both set of parents know.  Sort of.  We were on Callie’s parents boat Saturday night after watching the fireworks, and Callie had told her mom that I was, potentially, maybe, a little bit pregnant, because she had asked me to help her move a very heavy wooden table.  Cal’s parents weren’t really down with the whole “another baby” thing when we mentioned thinking about having more kids, and soon.  Her reaction, well, it went sort of like this.  “You know it already?!  How can they tell so fast!? Ohhhh, wellllll, ok.  Callie, help me move this table then, so we can set up the boys pack and play so they can get some sleep.”  To say I was a little wounded (and angry) is a bit of an understatement, but that’s all I’m going to say about that, because along with this pregnancy comes all the pregnancy hormones, and let me tell you!  I have never cried so much in my life.  The joke about crying during commercials and whatnot? Not a joke to pregnant women!  In the lease bit!

Symptom wise, the nausea is really kicking my ass.  I sorta knew this would happen, and actually anticipated it, because my body really isn’t used to having all these hormones coursing through it.  With the PCOS, I’m pretty much a textbook case (said by EVERY GYN I’ve ever had),  where my lady hormones are really, really low and my male hormones are really high.  If it’s true what they say, that you carry like your mother, then I’m in for it!  my mother was sick for 6-7 months for each of her pregnancies.  Trust me when I tell you, that I refuse to feel like this for the next 5 months, and I am not to proud to get some meds to calm this nausea.  Yesterday, I threw up my early morning cup of water while brushing my teeth (yup, that totally happened) and then, I tried some crackers and water before I went off to work.  Promptly threw that up in the train station parking lot while getting our of my car, and nearly puked on my suede Clark Desert Treks!  I would have been really upset to have to get rid of my favorite, most expensive shoes!  There is also the excessive tiredness.  When I’m at work all day, it takes everything in me to keep my eyes open.  I pass out on the train ride in, take a short nap during lunch, sometimes I sneak off to the bathroom, go into the huge handicap stall in the back, and catch some zzz’s (about 20 minutes worth) before my alarm (which I tuck into my bra strap so I can feel the buzz) wakes me.  And then I pass out on the train going home for another 35 minutes.  When it’s bed time though, I have the hardest time falling asleep!  So most nights, I lie awake, listening to Callie’s deep breathing, Noah’s dinosaur grunts, and Levi’s feet constantly moving.  I try and count them, like you would sheep, but I end up laughing at the little symphony that the 3 of them are putting on without even knowing it.  And then of course, there are the tears…about everything!   I was putting together the ceremony that I will be officiating (my little sister’s wedding) and I couldn’t get through the first 2 minutes without wiping tears from my eyes.  I have NO IDEA how I’m supposed to pull myself together enough in the next 3 weeks to do this!  I HAVE to keep it together, but I really just don’t know how!  I’ll have to practice and practice and practice, otherwise, I’m pretty much screwed, and no one will understand the words that are coming out of my mouth, let alone be able to stand watching my snot faced, trembling lipped, shaky handed self try and keep my composure.  And that’s just the most recent episode.  So You Think You Can Dance (one of my top 3 all time favorite shows) literally has me a crumpled mess every Monday night.  It’s just terrible!

Aside from that, everything else is going pretty great!  I was getting a bit of an allergic reaction from the progesterone in oil ( in sesame oil) so they had to switch me over to oral and vaginal meds, which kinda suck, but I only have to do it for 2 more weeks, as I’ve graduated the fertility clinic, and have my first OB appointment on the 22nd.  Looking forward to that.  Not looking forward to being weighed, I will admit!  But hey, Big girls deserve babies too, and I’ve always been heavy, and weight isn’t an indication of health, so screw that! Here’s to being a big girl and getting preggers!  And just for information purposes, my last blood work came back with hCG at 22,763, and progesterone at 13.8, a little low, but the baby should be doing it’s own thing soon, so Dr. K wasn’t too concerned.  Friends, so far, so good!

July 4th weekend was pretty awesome.  We spend the weekend on the boat (has a Queen sized bedroom, and another room with 2 bunks beds, and also a living room couch that turns into a bed.  It’s our summer home away from home!) and everyone was really loving on all of our kids!  It’s nice to have the little boating community that we have.  Callie’s family has been friends with these 3 particular boaters for 30+ years, and it’s nice when all of their kids come home and we get to spend time together.  I love hearing their stories of all of the marina’s that they have spent time in, and the shenanigans that they pulled when they were younger.  it’s nice to see them having kids too, and know that our kids will all grow up together, and share some of the same experiences that Callie did.  I know she loves it too.  We watched the fireworks display as we lay on the bow of the boat.  The boys didn’t even mind (Noah actually slept right through), and Mary got to sit with Pop and look at their favorite fireworks together (the smiley face ones).



The next day, Sunday, Callie’s dad took us our for a swim.  We had a great day, but the boys slept through most of it.  Not even 10 minutes into our boat ride, they were passed out!



Mary had a blast “swimming” which actually means tying a rope to her ankle and putting a noodle between her legs while that and her life vest keep her afloat. We also threw a fishing line out and caught a sand shark and a fluke!  Good eatin’!

A good weekend had by all!



The 30 Day Challenge Completed!

Day 30-A picture

It’s taken me a few days to finish up this 30 day challenge (more like 40 day challenge, but whatever!), but here we are at Day 30 (give or take a few days) and I’m sorta sad that it’s over.  I was really enjoying sharing my life with you all in some type of systematic way.  Now, I’ll just have to randomly insert stories into my post by *sidebar* or *parenthesis* as I usually do!  Anyways, without further ado, Day #30…



This past weekend was a great weekend for our little family.  On Friday, after work, I went home, changed my clothes, piled the 3 kids and the wife into the car, and headed to our little local amusement park.  When I was younger, our parents would take us once a year, and every time, it was the awesomest thing ever!!  Being so young, I didn’t realize that my parents probably blew about 3 days salary to take the 5 of us, and sometimes a cousin or two.  Back then, you could only buy tickets, not the super great “unlimited rides” bracelet that they sell now for one pretty fair price.  Rye Playland ,the amusement park in “Big” staring Tom Hanks, is the equivalent of a County Fair that is set up indefinitely.  It’s been there for decades.  The Dragon Coaster (featured in Mariah Carey’s Fantasy video) has been there since the 1920’s!  You can’t go there without riding it. I invited my sister and my two nieces, and we hung out from 6-11pm when the park was closing.  It was really great to be able to share such a huge part of our childhood with Mary and my niece.  It was even cooler watching them get their adrenaline on, and ride that Dragon Coaster by themselves.  That’s pretty brave for 7 year olds!  Went home and got ready for the next day!

Saturday, thanks to all the junk and cotton candy that Mary ate, she was pretty much out of commission all day!  She was vomiting from the second she opened her eyes at 6:30am, until she went to bed at 7:30pm.  It was pretty horrible!  I feel like such a bad mom when she’s throwing up, because just the sound of her retching is enough to keep me on the opposite side of the apartment.  “You okay honey?!  Do you need some water, or a paper towel, or a cold cloth for your forehead?!?!”, I shout down the hallway.  When she was finished, I would escort her back to bed, tuck her in, set up the iPad with the Netflix on, glass of water on the window sill, and check on her pretty often.  Most of the day she slept, the poor thing, so most of the day, we slept, babies on our chests, TV blaring, bodies sweating (we have corduroy couches – I KNOW!), and phones on silent.  It was actually not a bad day.  Sometimes, you just need a day to veg out.

Sunday, my sister Raquel had an impromptu BBQ at her place.  Her fiance, my soon to be super amazing brother-in-love on 8/1/15, was killing it on the grill!  The kids had a blast playing on the swing get, eating ice cream, kicking around a soccer ball, and enjoying the beautiful weather.  I talked to my mom about the boys baptism and in true mom fashion, she insisted that we needed more things than we had originally bought for the BBQ after the service, and made plans with Callie to go on Tuesday (yesterday) to pick up some more stuff (They picked up a TON more stuff thanks to my moms Visa card because we totally cannot afford any more frivolous purchases, and spending $50+ for “extra paper goods just in case” is just so dumb to me).  We played dominoes for a little while, and then head home, but not before getting this picture of the boys and their favorite cousin Jezenia…



Monday, good Ole Memorial Day, was wonderful.  First, let me say, although we haven’t been impacted by the loss of someone in our family or any of our friends, we do have a lot of family and friends who are service members in The US Navy, Marines, Air Force and Army.  4 of my first cousins have served on the front line in Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Qatar, and all over the Middle East.  They have lost many of their friends and comrades, and the day for them takes on a completely different meaning.  Our hearts were with all of them as they felt the weight and the burden of having survived while their Brothers were casualties of war.  I won’t let the politics of it all taint my vision or stop me from sharing in the fact that we are very fortunate to have these service men and women put their lives on the line for us daily.  All the time I pray that Memorial Day won’t take on a different meaning for us and our families one day.  So before we started our day, got our swimsuits on, and headed out to a cookout, we talked a little bit about why we have a “home day” and why we honor the courageous men and women who defend this country and our freedom.  I think Mary got it.  Like, really got it.

By 11am, everyone was dressed, packed, and ready to spend the day with Grandma and Pop on the boat.  We had bought the kids a small little pool to place on the back deck, and it was a hit with ALL the kids at the marina.  All 3 of our kids had a great day enjoying treats, lots of hugs and affection and attention, and splashing!  Lots and lots of splashing!  The boys only took 1 nap and weren’t even cranky all day!  We watched the military planes fly over head (there was a huge parade and military plane show at a park a few blocks over), fed baby swans, and Callie and I got to hand the boys off, have a beer, and play a game of spades just like the “Good Old days”.  Well, the days pre the new “Great Old days”!  It never ceases to amaze me how huge our village is.  It’s always so great and comforting to see how much love our little family gets.  You never really get used to it. After a long day in the sun (no sunburn, woo hoo!), we had all of the kids fed, bathed, and sleeping (completely knocked out for the count!) by 7:30pm, giving me and Callie the opportunity to “watch some tv” in bed without interruption.  Great show!!  Realllllllllyyyyyy great show! I’d have to say, all in all, the weekend was pretty successful, and with a short week at work, a meeting with our Pastor at our place tonight, an RE appointment yesterday morning (PW protected post to follow), and some last minute stuff for the baptism in 2 weeks, this coming weekend is upon us with more plans for great times with my kick-ass little family…