Sun Shower

Have you ever experienced a sun shower in the summer time?  Those are absolutely my favorite!  Despite all of the rain, and all of the foiled plans, and terrible thunder, the sun shines through and brightens your days just a little bit.

The situation with Callie’s aunt has not gotten any better.  In fact, it’s actually gotten worse.  The Dr said, “I thought she had cancer for quite a while, but I see how rapidly it has progressed in the week that she has been here, and it can’t possibly have been long.  A couple of months at the most.  In my 30+ years as a doctor, I have never seen a cancer so fierce and so aggressive.  I could take a biopsy from anywhere on her body and I would find cancer.”  This is a terrible thing to hear.  That sends hope straight out the window bringing on those thunderous dark skies.  She was moved to CCU, put back on a ventilator that jolts her body every time it pumps a breath of air into her.  It’s just gut-wrenching to see.  I keep thinking of hanging out at Thanksgiving and her jumping around on the coffee table singing songs and dancing.  I had never seen her so free and so open in all those years.  And now, she might not even know we are in the room talking and praying for her.  I hold it together for Callie because she is just a mess.  I hold it together for her Aunt Jasmine, who after 35 years, and not a single day apart is not allowed to make any decisions for her life partner.  They aren’t married, they don’t have a domestic partnership, Brit was too sick and sedated to sign her health care proxy.  She keeps mumbling under her breath, “We should have listened to you girls.  We should have gotten married!” and shakes her head, takes a sip of her cold coffee and goes out for her 5th cigarette in 45 minutes.  She’s struggling to keep it together.  It’s a good thing that Brit’s father loves Jasmine and won’t make any decisions without her, because he knows that she knows Brit better than anyone.  But can you imagine, having your “father-in-law” sign the DNR for your “not”wife, and then not being allowed in the CCU room to comfort her in her last hours and holding her hand when they finally take her off of life support because of legal documentation?!  I cannot even begin to process that.  It’s possible that she won’t make it past the weekend.  They gave her “a couple of days at most”, but no one really knows what that means.  So young, just 50 years old.  So unexpected, almost like it was overnight.  We’re all just devastated.  Hopeful, optimistic, but realistic.  We’ve been there every night, slowly, daily, saying good-bye.  Praying for better, but saying you can go if you need to.  It’s hard…

The rain shower?  Amidst all this sadness, my sister gets married on Saturday.  My grandfather who we affectionately call “Welo”, is in town from Puerto Rico for the wedding, and that just makes my heart soar.  He is my absolute favorite.  I spent so much of my childhood enveloped in his arms, while he sang songs to me and rocked me, even at 10 years old.  It’s where I get my eyes.  Where I get my voice.  My sense of humor and my ability to retain the most random information.  I love that man.  Even though my heart is heavy, it is simultaneously aflutter.  He met the boys for the first time and wouldn’t stop playing with them.  He sang songs to them and they looked at him and grabbed gently at his face and laughed and drooled, and it made me weepy because it made me miss my grandmother who passed 20 years ago, who would have LOVED this moment with them.  I excused myself to cry for a moment.  The joy and sadness at that very moment was overwhelming.  But it was beautiful, and in this week of deafening thunder and torrential rainstorms, the sweet respite of my Grandfather Sun Shower was exactly what I needed…

WELO AND TWO SLEEPING BOYS

WELO AND TWO SLEEPING BOYS