Asking For Help

It’s not always easy to ask for help, especially when you are the type of persons that likes to appear like they have it all together, but friends, this has been a tough couple of months.  Exhaustion plus sickness plus marital issues plus financial stuff and just general unhappiness with the outcome of certain things in my life has really gotten the best of me, and so I swallowed my pride (a bit bitter, I have to say) and reached out to find a therapist.  After having spent some time inpatient and almost 2 years completing a DBT treatment program, I’m pretty in tune and aware of when depressions waves start crashing over me.  Initially, they are lapping at my feet, but before you know it, they are over my head and washing me out to sea.  Before it got that bad, I called my insurance company, found a provider near me, called for a phone consultation where it felt like a pretty good fit, and last Tuesday night had my first session. Last night was my second.

See, the thing is that I’m at a place in my life where I have pretty much all the things that I want.  I have a beautiful wife that I love so, so much.  I have 4 amazing and wonderful children who take up so much time but also fill my heart with so much love.  I have family and friends that make my life so much easier and so much better and so much fuller.  I also have this internet community that more often than not, is a great source of comfort and relief, assurance, honesty, and friendship.  Somehow though, there is still…stuff. I mean, I didn’t expect 4 kids to be easy, so when the 4 kids came, it wasn’t that huge of an adjustment.  My parents had 5 kids, and I grew up in a small space that was kinda cramped with so many people, but that made my life all the better.  I wasn’t too badly disillusioned when 4 kids came…with stuff (lots and lots of stuff), and when they took up a lot of space, and when they cried all night and didn’t sleep, and when they puked all over my house, and when they drained my bank account.  It was all pretty expected actually having seen what my life was like growing up, but being a parent brings up things from when you were younger and how your parents parented you, and I think with some of that stuff coming to the forefront and it’s really starting to bother me.  I won’t get into the nitty gritty of it, but I find myself doing certain things that my parents did that growing up I thought were unfair or just straight up wrong.  When I catch glimpses of that person, I get really frustrated and upset with myself.

The whole “exhaustion and sickness” thing is to be expected when you have kids in school and daycare, but when you have FOUR kids and they are on a “sickness rotation” and it seems like the second one gets better another gets sick, it gets to a point where you just break down and cry, screaming to the Health Gods, “PLEASE MAKE MY BABIES UNSICK!!!” You ugly cry, snot running down your face, and you just pray and hope and do all the things you can to get the sickness out, but you’re already defeated!  You’ve thrown your hands up and surrender to the fact, that it may just not get better for a long time.  And that’s really depressing, because what loving parent is ok with seeing their babies sick indefinitely? Friends, it be’s like that some days…

Financial stuff?!  Well, you would think that two women who work pretty decent jobs, that have a combined 6 figure income would be able to get out of debt (it’s not much I swear!), get their lives together, buy a house that can actually fit 6 people comfortably, finally plan a freaking wedding and be able to take at least a small vacation once a year, right?!  Yeah, that’s not happening here!  Why?!  Because I am the absolute WORST at money.  Because money not only burns a whole in my pocket, but it sets my whole outfit ablaze!  Because I was never taught to save for things or given a bank account when I was younger.  Because my parents made me work so I could give them money to help pay the bills that helped them raise 5 kids, and ended up blowing the $50 that I had left at the end of the week because the other $500 were taken from me, and there ya have it!  Money and I?  We ain’t cool no more, and I doubt we will be for a long ass time, because it’s causing me so much stress and so much sadness, because I want to DO but I can’t financially, and it’s making me wish for other things that I should have done to help stack my bank account, and finishing college is one of those things, but I don’t even have the mental capacity to go there right now.

And finally, the one that is affecting me the most is the marital stuff.  I don’t normally come on here to vent or to rant about the bullshit stuff that goes on in my marriage, because honestly, all of this stuff will be water under the bridge in a few days time, so really, whats the point?  But lately, some of this stuff has gotten so bad, that I’ve threatened divorce and moving out and couch sleeping, and just lots of things have been said (and sometimes done) when I reach that ultimate point of “I CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE AND YOU ARE BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE!”  And I’ll admit, sometimes in the heat of the moment I just might come out of my face and call my wife some things that I’m not proud of (a “fucking bitch” or the dreaded “c” word have in fact escaped my lips before and I’m not proud of it, believe me!) but sometimes it just feels like she is working against me and not with me, and that makes an already exhausting and taxing and hard situation/day 10x’s worse. Usually an argument escalates when one of us feels like that other isn’t doing their part, and I know my wife will vibrantly disagree with the following statement but I always do so much more than her.

We get home at 6pm, one of us cooks dinner or we have left overs, then everyone eats while I nurse Austin, then I give the boys a bath while Callie half ass cleans the kitchen, then I put them to bed while she sits on the couch and plays with Austin and her phone.  Then I clean the rest of the mess in the kitchen (is there this new thing where loading the dishwasher and wiping the counters is considered cleaning the kitchen?!?!?), if she hasn’t already done it I’ll clean the highchairs, and then I’ll clean the rest of the living room, sweep and mop the bathroom, living room, dining room and kitchen, throw out the garbage and FINALLY I am able to sit down just in time to nurse Austin again.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, she helps a bit, but according to her it’s never up to my standards so she doesn’t try very hard because I’m not easy to please and I’m going to do it over again anyway so why bother! Um, because you do it half assed and I HAVE to do it again any way!  And this is leading to so much friction in our lives, that after our kids go to bed at about 7:30, we barely talk to each other.  Pair all of that and the feels of being a quasi-solo parent to the situation with her hoarder tendencies, and you have a serious recipe for disaster.  I mean, I haven’t been able to clean our bedroom in 3 months because there is so much shit piled up on the floor on Callie’s side that it’s impossible to even get around to the other side of the bed to tidy up.  When I tell you that there is about half an inch of dust in my bedroom right now, I’m not even close to exaggerating even though I really wish I was.  So yesterday morning, I opened my eyes and was completely overwhelmed with the mess and scream, “You know Callie!  This is some fucking bullshit! Wake up, and the first fucking thing I see, is you, eating fucking BREAKFAST in the goddamned bathroom that hasn’t been cleaned in fucking forever because God fucking forbid you take some fucking initiative and do some fucking cleaning in this stupid ass apartment, so a big fucking thank you for ruining my day the SECOND I open my eyes!”

Guys, it was bad.  Really fucking bad!  And the fighting and the anxiety and the mess and the stress and the depression, so finally a therapist.  I’m getting help guys, for my anger because one of these days, I’m gonna snap.  But Callie thinks I’m the only one that needs it.  She doesn’t think she needs individual therapy, only couples therapy so that the therapist can tell me how wrong I am and how right she is, even though, no!  We are both wrong, we are both right, and she could absolutely help me more instead of checking out after 8pm because she is “so tired”.  We’re both fucking tired, hanging on to dear life most days, but yet having to make it work.    I had to get this off of my chest, and sorry for the unusual negative energy/post, but ugh!  The level of resentment and dissatisfaction with my wife if really bringing me down, and I don’t want to feel that way anymore.  I want to love her unconditionally and lately it feels like, “if she…then I would…” and that doesn’t feel unconditional AT ALL.  Nonetheless, I’ll continue to work on me in the months to come and hope this all clears itself up.  Hopefully my house will be a little neater, cleaner, and less cluttered too.

 

P.S.  While I was writing this, I was simultaneously getting quotes for wedding venues in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.  See, I freaking love her, but she makes me so damn crazy….

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37 thoughts on “Asking For Help

  1. Life…it’s overwhelming. This adult thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! It’s hard and sometimes I feel so caught up in the “work to live” thing and pay the bills and it makes me feel depressed and resentful and sad that this is the way life is. Work to get money that all drains away after bills.

    Don’t even get me started on the sickness thing! My kid has been sick all the time for the past 2 years. At least our kids will be nice & healthy by the time they hit elementary school (please god please).

    As for the marriage stuff – it’ll all get better. Sounds like you’re just in an ‘ebb’ period instead of a ‘flow’ period. I couldn’t live with a hoarder without losing my shit on a daily basis. I love to throw things away, purge, live minimally. It would drive me to using the “c” word, too. I hope one day C comes around and gets a therapist for herself too but even if she doesn’t, then you’re doing a great thing by going for yourself. ❤

    • I know that you have been THROUGH it with the sickness. Poor Evie for like 2 straight years was so terribly sick, and I KNOW that has to be the worst. It’s been 6 months for us and I’m so freaking over it! I know the marital stuff will get better, but it’s so hard to see that when your relationship is in such an unsettled place. We’ll get there. At least most of the way there especially now that I am in therapy. Hopefully we’ll find a marriage counselor and start going soon because something needs to give. Thanks for being so supportive friend…

  2. Damn yeah. This is definitely the area that L and I have clashed on the fiercest and most. I do the most housework by far, and always have, but incrementally this has gotten better. Having only one kid probably makes a big difference too. But I now work 3 hours a night 4 nights a week to make up for time missed while with kids during the day, so I have less time to clean, and L is so pregnant and uncomfortable, and things have cropped up again. But we’re still so much better than 5 years ago. This is something that L shared with me, and was mind-blowing for me to read, and I think helped give her perspective about what she was doing by not cleaning. Maybe it would be worth sharing with your lady?
    http://www.cwluherstory.org/the-politics-of-housework.html

    • That is so awesome. Initially, when Callie was staying home with the kids, she was incredible! Laundry was done, meals were cooked, kids were happy and healthy and she bathed them, fed them, and helped put them to bed. BUt now that we both have full time jobs again, there is a huge rush between 6-7:30pm, but then after that, i’m still going and she is doing, well, relaxing. The division of chores is not equal, so the resentment builds. I know we’ll get through it, just right now, ugh! It’s really tough!

  3. First of all… GIANT hug from across the continent because I feel you. I really feel you. Marriage is hard. Possibly even harder than parenthood because parenthood comes with unconditional love and marriage just doesn’t. Actually, that’s not true–there probably IS unconditional love, but just because we’d love them no matter what doesn’t mean we want to be with them no matter what. Marriage is even harder when you’re exhausted because proper communication takes effort that you just don’t have, and it’s just so easy to misunderstand intentions and to blow things out of proportion. Catch and I do it constantly. I think it’s important to manage your expectations of one another. Catch is the neat freak in our household and sometimes she will flat out say to me, “Your job tonight after Charlotte goes to bed is to put away your laundry.” I usually get pissy about it because I don’t appreciate taking orders, but you know what? If she didn’t issue the order, I’d probably let my laundry sit there for a month and it would drive her up a wall. I guess it’s better for me to be pissy for 15 minutes than it is for her to be silently fuming about it for a month. You could probably say that if I was a more responsible adult, she wouldn’t have to ask (erm–tell) me, but I’m just not wired to care about those kinds of things the way she is–the same way she’s not wired to spend hours in the kitchen/grocery store planning meals for the week. Clearly, the cleaning thing is weighing heavily on you–it’s worth trying to find some kind of compromise about it. Maybe you could try to have a rule in place that after the boys are in bed, you both spend 15 minutes tidying the house or something like that. Hang in there, friend. You’re doing the right thing with therapy.

    • It’s the whole, “I love you, but I don’t really like you right now” that applies to this situation. Marriage is ridiculously hard. And these resentments build and then you stop doing nice things for each other and then resentment festers and it starts to stink and it turns into 2 people trying their hardest not to touch each other in the bed, arguing about who’s turn it is to do something, and it just keeps going and snowballing from there. See, what Catch does to you, I do to Callie, but then it turns into this… “Hey, I’ve been asking you for a couple of nights now to please put your shoes away from your side of the bed.” “GOD! You’re so annoying with the damn shoes! You’ve been asking me every damn night! i told you i’d do it!” And it never gets done…at least you do it. So the asking, turns into telling because how many times to I have to ask nicely before it’s done?! It’s just a shit show at our house these past 2 weeks and hopefully we’ll be over this hump soon… thanks friend!

      • Sigh… this shit is so hard. I hate it. Catch and I went out for her birthday–it was the first time we had a date night in 6 months. I was sitting there half the night thinking, “That’s right–THIS is why we’re married.” It was nice to get away from the to do list for a while and just have some us time. I hadn’t realized how important that is for us–I found that the mood from our date night even carried over through the week. We were much nicer and more considerate all week.

      • I think we may be in desperate need of a date night…I’ll see what I can figure out. Maybe that will give us a chance to have a glass or two (or 7!) of wine and communicate a little more effectively. Why is it that we understand each other better when we have slurred speech?

  4. Ok, I don’t know where to start, but if you were standing in front of me unloading I would probably start with a hug. You both must be over worked and over tired. I can’t give you any relationship advice but I can offer encouragement. Reaching out for help is a great start. I can say that I went through a period where I gave up on the idea of “happily ever after” and a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage helped turn me around. There were some great lines that really helped me and I’m currently listening to the audio version for a much needed refresher. Anyway, you two have been through a lot and will likely get through this too. Parenting stress and financial stress can smother positivity but you will get back to it. Hugs to you both and coffee. Lots of coffee.

    • Yeah, now that you mention it, the over tired thing might be a huge factor. I kind of remember going through something similar when the boys were about 6 months old. All the lack of sleep was finally catching up to us, and it was like a warzone in my house. So thanks for putting that into perspective for me. I know we’ll get through it, but right now it’s kind of hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel…thanks for your kind words friend…and also, i’ve double my coffee intake…LOL

      • Coffee should come in patches. Hope you both are doing well. I have often been the “messier” one in all of my relationships ands I know it is difficult to understand if you aren’t a messy person, but there is a method to the madness and all the piles of clothes which I call “staging areas.” Hope you two have a great weekend!

  5. I don’t even know where to begin but to say you are not alone and send giant hugs. Kids are hard, marriage is hard, life is so hard sometimes it just plain sucks! I thank you for your honesty. It reassures me that on many things I am not alone because I have some of that same shit going on. I am so glad you are doing therapy. I am married to a person who has their MFT license and we still don’t go…figure that one out. I will be thinking of you all.

  6. There’s a quote, I think by Cleopatra “I would kill you if I could live without you”…that’s basically me and M. I often try to remember what awful thing I did to deserve falling in love with her. 🙂 Vent away…it will all be fine and we will never tell…

  7. First, i wish i could give you a giant hug. Second, i think ots admirable and courageous to ask for help. I maintain a large part of why we are still married today is that when we were going through all our infertility stuff i shought out aupport from a trained professional. And then, Mr. MPB joined me and we worked to learn to communicate. So good for you!
    Also, appreciate that kid(s) do make it all so much harder. Like so much harder! Partly because of sleep deprivation and partly because of changing priorities. I’ve been thinking about writing my own version of your post. I have no advice, but I can empathise and I do hope that with help and with improved communication you’ll get through this rocky period. Sending love my friend.

    • Kids make it exponentially harder! Good grief! BUt sometimes it’s also like the kids save our relationship, and not in a “we’re staying together because we have kids” way, but more in a “look at our beautiful kids and what we created. Let’s work on this!”, so in that sense, it’s also a blessing. I know that therapy is gonna definintely help me, and in turn help us and our marriage, so I’m looking forward to that, but right now, at the beginning, it feels so , so hard. We’ll get there though, i have no doubt. Thanks friend…

  8. Whooaaa there loving wife. I might delete the last half of this post if you haven’t already shared it with C because… Well. I’d be hurt if I was her. Your feelings are one thing and I’m sorry it’s been so damned overwhelming. But her feelings matter to you too, I know. I’m not telling you how to live or blog, just reaching out as a concerned follower of your journey. And someone mindful of how divisive the Internet and blog posts can be. I hope the therapist helps you feel more grounded. I also hope the sickness cycle improved. That’s so so so rough!

    • I totally get what your saying, and although she hasn’t read this post, everthing in it, i have expressed to her soooo many times, and in soooo many ways, so even if she DID decide to read my blog (which she doesn’t do anymore because she thinks I portray her in an unrealistic light [and that’s when i say NICE things!] she wouldn’t be surprised in the least bit at what she read. Also, I have a really had temper and what’s written is ::sigh:: the turned DOWN version. It’s interesting though because when we argue it’s usually, “Honestly, I can’t stand you right this second, but I love you and we’ll talk later”, so the things written here wouldn’t shock her. And sometimes I hesitate writing about our stuff because she isn’t able to defend herself and it’s pretyt one sided and I don’t want people making assumptions or quick judgement on her, but, I also have to be able to express myself without censoring because then it’s not…well, real! We’re also about 2 weeks out of sickness which is good and hopefully the warm weather will keep it that way. Bring on the 90 degree heat NY!

  9. I’m so sorry you are struggling so hard. I’m glad you found a therapist to help though. It is all so hard. Hugs to you and I hope you feel better soon.

  10. I’m sorry you are going through this. J and I have a chore split. I do all the cooking and cleaning of the kitchen, she does everything else. I know it’s not really 50/50, but it works for us. However, I am a messy person. I don’t put my shoes away, I lay Bobby pins from my hair everywhere, I know it drives J crazy. My mom is a hoarder and I am so paranoid of not following the same path that I throw stuff out all the time. I have a constant bag of donations for goodwill. Seriously, we go at least once a week. However, it applies to food as well. I immediately throw away all food when we are finished with dinner. I don’t save leftovers. I know this is a huge waste and J would get irritated because she wanted “seconds” later on in the evening. I think we all have our issues and we try the best we can to get through them. I hope everything works out well for you. -Hugs- –B

      • Serious question: is she really hoarding/messy or is it more of a joke term because she isnt immaculate? I ask because Michele jokes that I mistake wanting normal things as “clutter” and that I’m OCD> 🙂

      • No, it’s definitely hoarding. Like pants in a size 2 that she hasn’t fit in 7 years….or 30 regular sized lotions, or the inability to throw anything away becasue of some percieved emotional (or not!) attachment. It’s saving broken things becuase you never know when you can need pieces/parts. It’s definitely a mild version of hoarding that would be much worse if once a month i didn’t throw out 3-4 black garbage bags of stuff!

      • Got it. Yeah, that has to be tough. I agree with you that pro help to nip that in the bud is warranted. Wives. Can;t live with them, can’t kill ’em.

  11. Oh man I totally identify with so much of this. I’m the clean freak and my wife could definitely care less about that sort of thing. And we both think we’re doing more than half the work. We definitely went through a REALLY bad patch when baby girl was about 10months old. I think things had been building up for so long. And the exhaustion just pushes everything over the edge. It sounds really petty but dividing up tasks has worked well for us. And if you can spare a little bit of money – we recently hired a housekeeper (which felt really bad at first, I’m not going to lie) and it is the best money EVER spent. The service only comes once a month to do the more deep cleaning at the moment but its so nice to have a little extra time with the family and not be rushing SO much. Also for me, prepping as many meals on the weekends has really made life better during the week… And the financial stuff – does either of your jobs offer any financial advisors or workshops or anything? If not can you find any in the community? You have to swallow your pride – but talking it through in real numbers with a professional can really really help.

    Otherwise, just know you’re doing awesome! You asked for help – which is the most amazing an admirable thing. And So So brave! Sometimes – it’s all just really shitty. Deep Breath! I’m thinking of you on the other side of the country and sending you hugs and love!

  12. I’ve been thinking about how to reply but I just replied to a friend in a similar situation in a facebook group the other day so I am pasting and editing here.

    I’m not going to say anything much different from anyone else but here it is: I read somewhere that it takes 18 months for a relationship to return to normal after having a baby. Gus is almost 20 months and I would say that is completely true. (Welcome to why we are one and done!) Between 18-19 months is when things started to feel okay again. It’s all really fucking hard. We had a lot of fights, a lot of couch sleeping, and a few conversations where divorce was brought up. We have done couples counseling in the past so had some basic communication skills down which helped a lot. What normally worked for us was to talk about things not in the heat of the moment and not with Gus. (Hard to do! For us we would do this on work lunch breaks or the rare occasions a grandparent was in town and we could go have a beer.) Figure out what the big issues are. Figure out what you can let go of and what needs to be addressed. You feel like you are doing more but how does she feel? I know that my partner felt like everything she did was wrong so just stopped helping – I’m critical and had to learn to back off. Fights aren’t normally about that one thing – they are about bigger stuff. But you two have to figure out how to turn the fights into discussions about the bigger issues. You could fight forever about laundry but what you need to do is have a conversation about household responsibilities and why you are doing more work. And, couples counseling. So totally couples counseling.

    • I think you’re right about turning the fights into discussion. I think both of us also need to let go of the idea of being right and proving the other wrong, because really, a lot of our arguments are about the way we FEEL, and honestly, there isn’t any right or wrong when it comes to feelings. We’ve had converstaions about household duties and who’s chores are what, but that lasts about a week, maybe two, and it’s back to the same routine. We are nearing that 18 months mark, so i’m hoping that there will be SOME major shifting in the romance/communication/getting along department, but we’ll see. It’s been better the past 2 days, I will say that! Not talking about things in the heat of the moment is probably something we should be working on too. We have 8 ears listening in on our converstaions, and 4 tiny hearts that can’t handle so much stress and so much negativitiy, so we def have to be more mindful of that. It’s just so hard to get OUT of that moment when you are so wrapped up in it and in proving that you are right and the other is wrong. We have loads to work on…thanks for the advice friend…

      • You’re right – when you are in the moment or cycle of moments it’s so hard to break it. My dad visited last month and after a particularly bad dad rant (about sterilizing women on public assistance) we left and got a few beers. We got a little tipsy and talked about a few things and it was better. My biggest thing is we talk about stuff and then I expect them to be better the next day. This stuff takes time.

      • Yeah, that’s my main issue to, becuase to me, these things shouldn’t be an issue, so how dare you take a month to resolve it…::GASP!:: But i’m recognizing that i need to be more patient because the whole cleanliness and organizating thing we are dealing with? Opposite ends of the spectrum and it’s gonna take some time to meet in the middle (or as close to the middle as possible). Where our house looks lived in (as per Callie) but neat and orderly (by my standards). Hopefully, we’ll get there sooner than later!

  13. Dear Fellow Parent of four:
    It takes a high level of intimacy in a relationship and some rock solid foundational safety to speak to each other like what you’re writing, so since you put yourself out there for help, I’m offering a psychotherapist’s perspective to consider. I’m wondering if you can maybe give some thought to the feelings behind the actions for a second rather than best yourself up, and let it be a positive thing that you identified a problem and now here’s an opportunity for you two to look for solutions. It’s also worth noting, and you may know this already, that we yell at our partners sometimes when we’re getting emotionally farther away from them in a desperate attempt to gain some intimacy. Passion is passion after all whether it looks like love or sounds like hate. I humbly offer these simple sounding but hard as hell tips that haven’t failed me or my clients yet:
    1. Assume the best of each other at all times. Example: assume she wants to clean the way that makes you happy, assume she wants you to feel more (fill in the blank). No exceptions. No thinking outside the good – just assume her intentions are good. She needs to do the same for you if she can and is willing.
    2. REMOVE the words “why” “what” and “but” from your vocabulary when you talk to each other – no exceptions. “Why didn’t you (fill in the blank)…” is antagonistic as is “What were you (fill in the blank)…” “Good you wiped off the counters BUT you didn’t …” Negates the almost compliment you almost gave her. It’s hard. It’s really hard and it requires a fair number of sentence restarts which is where the magic happens quite frankly.
    3. Start sentences with a personal investment that begins with yourself and what you are thinking/feeling/doing and not what she is doing wrong such as: “I was wondering” or “from my perspective” or “I’m willing to X, would you consider Y”
    4. Forgive yourself when you can’t / don’t / won’t do steps 1-3, and start again next time.

    I offer these thoughts with respect and admiration -so take ’em or leave ’em; and, I think y’all are doing a great job raising those kids and loving one another. My final therapeutic opinion: couples counseling later-individual counseling now to work through the personal things each has. You might find you don’t need the couples part once y’all start to understand where those personality traits and coping skills came from in the first place. Not the gospel, Friend; just my opinion, since you were asking.
    Best to you and your adorable family.
    Baba

    • Friend, this advice is invaluable right now. I have tried some of this stuff in the past (when all of this started about a year and a half or so ago), but have forgotten that I have these “tools” that i learned so long ago and that I really should be implementing. I think also forgiving myself and allowing myself to make those mistakes, own them, and move forward would be an important thing to remember as well. Thanks so much for the advice and I will ABSOLUTELY be putting some of this to work starting today…

  14. You have such keen insight into your thoughts and feelings and a great ability to communicate. Hopefully taking the time out each week for yourself to allow yourself that time to process all that is going on in your hectic life and the impact that is having on you will give you the energy to keep going. Just the stress of work, never having enough time, 1 kid, and not always being on the same page can wear on my spouse and I and we have also said some not nice things. You and Callie have been through so much lately. Gosh just the stress with all that lead up to the TPR (I mean every part of that journey) can break a solid couple. Throw in everything else on top of it? It’s a beautiful life, but doesn’t mean all that goes into it isn’t exhausting.

  15. I’m a few days late with this printed hug but, oh my gosh, do you need one? Because here it is. It sounds like a perfect storm of frustrations right now. I don’t know about you but I get so exhausted when things are STILL happening that I wish weren’t, even though it’s not the fault of the person or thing. Is my family still sick? Is there still clutter? Do we still not have enough money? And then I’m ashamed for being frustrated at my wife and kid for things that are out of their control which makes me more frustrated with myself. I don’t know if that’s your situation but, suffice to say, I feel your pain and it’s exhausting to have everything off the rails. We’re giving You Need A Budget (ynab.com) a trial run this month. It sounds like it works differently from other tools in that you aren’t tracking what you spend but assigning every dollar to a budget (including vacations). I have no idea if it will work but I’m so tired of being in debt when we make enough money to pay it off. I’ll let you know how it goes! In the meantime, I’m thinking of you!

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