The Good, The Bad, The 10 Week Update

This weekend was one for the books.

THE GOOD – My sisters Wedding!  OMG! It was absolutely amazing!  The day started early for us, around 7am, getting all of the kids ready and packed to go where they needed to go.  We were all bathed, dressed, and out the door before 8:30am. Talk about a serious hustle!  Mary stayed with another foster mother, who has a 7 month old little girl, and who had a 7 year old little boy who we have had plenty of play dates with.  We’ve become great friends over the past 2 years and have always had children in our care around the same age.  Mary really enjoyed her time with our friend…



The boys stayed with their Godmother Nikki (my bestie) and her fiance Titi, again, because the boys absolutely adore them, and they absolutely love (and spoil) our babies.  They took them on yet another shopping spree for more toys! toysAnd threatened to kidnap them for their vacation next week. vacation But ultimately, our babies are in good hands, and they really enjoy their time with their aunts, who take excellent care of them.playtimeSo we climbed back into the car, after dropping off our kids, and went to meet my sister at the Mansion.  We arrived around 11:30am, and so did all of her friends, my mother, my sister Nat, and my cousin who was doing her hair and makeup.  It was super fun!  We had “Today’s Hits” playing on Pandora, everyone was drinking mimosa’s (except me of course because suddenly I have this new obsession with chewing on ice!), and sharing memories and laughter with my sister to help keep the nerves away as she was getting ready.  We hung out for a while before Sebastian showed up.  He was there with his mom, who was running back and forth between his room and the Master Suite where the rest of the ladies were.  Since they didn’t have a wedding party, just 2 flower girls, I decided that my sister had enough people to help keep her calm, so I went over to where Sebas was, and hung out with him while he got ready, drank his whiskey, and practiced his vows.  I tried my best to make him laugh, because the amount of sweat that was pouring off of him, and the severity of his shaking were unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  So joked around, we laughed, watched TV, and waited for the photographer and videographers (who has a freaking drone to get aerial shots!) so they could start getting ready.

When they finally showed up, I was between two rooms, trying to help and be in pictures with my sister and with my future brother-in-law.  When my sister finally put on her dress, I don’t know if it was all these crazy hormones or just the fact that my little sister, my first best friend, someone I can tell all my secrets too without judgment, was getting married.  She looked so damn beautiful, and the tears flowed, freely, without reservation.  And good thing, because I was officiating the ceremony, and couldn’t allow myself to cry during the service.  How unprofessional!  So I cried, quite a bit, as I helped my sister put on her wedding gown. nana nana1When they were both dressed and ready, they decided to do a reveal, just the two of them, before everyone saw them.  I followed along because I was getting video of the whole day. Seeing that man cry, turned me into a blubbering mess…again!nana2When all was said and done, we walked outside to the area where the ceremony was going to take place.  Guests were starting to arrive.  Family and friends had excitement etched all over their faces.  Before you knew it, it was a quarter to 5, and almost all of the seats were filled, waiting for the couple to come down the aisle.  I was at the front, nervous, but so ready to help send my sister off into married life.




nana3I actually did rather well during the ceremony!  I kept it together……….for the most part.  The only time I cried a little was when Sebastian read his vows, because I had heard my sisters vows quite a few times to desensitize myself to them, and had read through the ceremony countless times to get the correct cadence, and timing and spacing.  But when Sebas read his vows, and how raw his emotions were, and the crack in his voice, I  couldn’t resist.  It slipped a little..but I pulled it together (thank you thoughts of Sewer rats, and also the Giants winning the Super Bowl!) and I was back in the game!  I married my sister and her husband and we were off to (un)cocktail hour and an awesome reception underneath a beautifully decorated HUGE tent!  We partied, hard!  It was loads of fun, no drama (thankfully), and everything was just perfect.  Now, they are both off to Tahiti now, and I’m only a little bit jealous…I couldn’t be happier for them, and I know that they will make each other so happy for the rest of their lives…and I can’t wait for more nieces and nephews! NANA5

THE BAD – After all of the amazing going on Saturday, we wake up Sunday morning to a non stop phone ringing. I knew something was wrong right away, but if you’re ever in that place between being asleep and awake, it was almost like I was dreaming.  Phone started ringing at about 7:30, but neither of us got up to answer it until about 10am.  I noticed that Callie’s mom was on the caller ID, and she usually works Sunday’s and doesn’t use her cellphone, so I knew immediately, something wasn’t right.

“Cal’s, wake up!  You’re mom keeps calling, and it’s Sunday and she works, and it’s her cell.”

“Oh shit…hand me the phone.”  Dials her mom.  “Oh jeez…what time?  Since when?  Why didn’t you call my cell?  But I don’t have any missed calls…uh huh….uh huh…yeah….uh huh….i dunno…uh huh….ok…well how’s Aunt Jasmine?  Alright, we’ll get dressed and we’ll go, but we have to get the kids…ok, love you mom…be there soon…”

“What happened?!?”

“Aunt Brittany passed away…this morning…at 7:15…and my phone didn’t ring…”

So Sunday morning, after spending 9 days in the hospital, Aunt Brit passed away.  Not a minute before Aunt Jas went in to tell her she loved her, and some other things that she wasn’t telling anyone, either because it was too painful to relive or too personal to say.  And that’s okay.  But she’s gone, and we miss her, and it’s really shitty.  Her family wants to cremate her, so they will, and they don’t want a memorial service, which we are all against with the exception of her mother and sister (who are delusional even now after she’s gone), so we’re having a service anyway.  On Thursday evening.  It’ll be so so hard…

This was such an emotionally draining weekend, and we are all feeling to today.  We haven’t slept, everyone has a headache, all 3 kids are acting out, and I just wanna run away even if it’s just for a few minutes.  But we’re hanging tough and making it work….as best we can, we make it work….

10 WEEK UPDATE – So it’s been 10 weeks (and 4 days at this point) and the nausea had FINALLY subsided! Thank the heavens, because it was a lot!  And it was constant.  BUt YAS!  It’s gone!  But interestingly enough, since it’s been gone, I’ve had an aversion to lettuce…salad really, but I can  pick the things out of it, like cucumber and tomatoes and carrots, and still eat those things individually, but it’s that damn lettuce that gets me every time.  It’s awful.  What do I love?!  ICE!  Lots and lots of ICE!  I like to chomp on it sotht it makes everyone around me absolutely crazy.  Interesting thing, when my mom was pregnant with me, she had my uncles trekking to the store to buy bags of ice, because the ice trays weren’t freezing fast enough for her appetite for them.  I didn’t know this until Sunday, when we were all at my parents house (really my moms sisters house, where my parents are living in her basement studio until they find a condo/coop) in the evening, and my uncle asked me if I wanted anything.  So I told him, “Just a cup of ice”, and he gave me the widest, cheesiest grin.  He laughed and said, “She’s just like you when you were pregnant! Remember you used to send me to the store and get you ice, and ice, and ice!?!”  And here goes my mom, “Oh my gah…Jew gonna haben a girl! Yes jew are because Mami loven to eata de ice when chee was pregne wis jew! Oh jes!  It’s a girl!” It’s nice to hear that I’m like my mom, because I always consider us so different.  It’s nice to have this pregnancy to connect us, and I get to hear stories that I’ve never heard before about her pregnancy.  It’s actually really nice, and made me feel pretty special.

I’ve been having some weird mild cramping, but Callie seems to think it’s just baby growing, and considering how exhausted I have been and so hungry (although I can’t eat more than a few bites every hour or two), I don’t doubt that there is some growth spurt happening or something.  My next Ob appt is on 8/27 for the Nuchal, so hopefully, all will go well with that, although I have no doubt.  I do worry about the constant headaches I’ve been having and how nothing makes them go away.  Not even the recommended dose of Tylenol.  I worry that it might be an issue with my blood pressure, but even having gone to our local CVS and done the cuff there, my pressure was were it usually is…borderline, which is my normal for me at around 135/80.  It’s been like that since I was about 18.  Not that it’s a good thing, but it’s my baseline.  Callie has also been having loads of headaches, which isn’t normal for her, so I’m wondering if it’s just stress and lack of sleep.  I guess I’ll know more at my next appointment.

I’ve been looking for some gender non-conforming maternity wear, and I am just so sad about the lack of anything that doesn’t have pink flowers and a plunging neck line.  The good thing is that I have a younger cousin (who I adore!) who is a fashion student at FIT, and she’s gonna take on helping me make so dope ass maternity clothes that are more my style.  We’re gonna buy a crapload of bellly bands and pants that I would normally wear, cut the waistline down, and then sew in the bands.  Not sure what we’re going to do about shirts, but because I’ll be getting bigger in the fall and winter months, I can get away with sweaters of button downs that I already own from when I was much bigger.  I knew those XXL Ralph Lauren and Abercrombie shirts would come in handy!  So, I have that to look forward to as far as maternity wear is concerned.  My pants are starting to get a little tight, but if it weren’t for that, I would have no other indicator that my body is changing.  Otherwise, everything seems to be going well…

Thanks again everyone for keeping Aunt Brit and Aunt Jas in your prayers…they’ve been received and it’s proving to provide loads of comfort at this time…you are loved…truly….

29 thoughts on “The Good, The Bad, The 10 Week Update

  1. So sorry to hear about your Aunt. Your sisters wedding was beautiful and it’s so cool that you officiated it. I’m glad to hear the pregnancy is going well. I also had that lettuce adversion for many weeks. Once it ended I couldn’t get enough salad.

  2. Craving ice is often a sign of low iron. I would get tested. If it’s low, the best I found, by far, is called Blood Builder by Megafoods. I always struggled with iron until I started that and never had a problem until the end of my pregnancy – which was because I wasn’t taking it as often due to the nausea.

    Good for you all having a memorial anyway. It’s for everyone to share their memories anyway. No one can take that away from you.

    Get some rest, it’s been a busy time. I bet the headaches ease up then. 🙂

  3. Wow, you are in the midst of a busy time. I loved reading about your sister’s wedding and I loved the photos – thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear about your Aunt’s. It is never easy to say goodbye to someone you love. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts.
    And, I would be remiss if I didn’t state how excited I am to hear about how you are doing. I’m not surprised that there are no gender neutral maternity cloths, but it sounds like you have a good plan in place to get some stuff you will actually like wearing. And I’m glad to hear your nausea is lessening, I hope the trend continues.

  4. I’m so sorry to hear about you ain’t passing so quickly and after such a love filled day too. I got headaches around 10 weeks as well then they faded for a couple weeks and came back I. The second trimester. I think it’s the shift in hormones going into your second tri. I read an article on butch maternity wear and they said to do some side “rouching” with elastic like they do with femme maternity wear on t shirts and any other long shirts you own or can buy. Also to buy larger sized tops and have them fitted in the bust and arms but leave it loose in the tummy area. The pants idea is awesome and many woman do it to keep their style so why not with men’s pants too. I found that wearing a belly band underneath my normal pants when I couldn’t wear maternity jeans yet helped make them feel less tight and they don’t rub as much so maybe you could try that. Sweaters and sweatshirts will be your friend this coming fall/winter for sure so tops probably won’t be too much of an issue. The cramping your feeling could be the start of round ligament pains as well, I got them very early around 9/10 weeks as well. Your sisters wedding looks so beautiful and so did her and her husband.

  5. I am so very sorry for your families loss of your Aunt. I will keep you all in my thoughts. Especially Thursday knowing it may be quite and emotional one.
    Your sisters wedding was absolutely beautiful!
    10 weeks already?! Wow I can not even believe that!

  6. Old Navy was about the best we could find for more androgynous maternity clothing – I hear that in the U.S. they even make maternity t-shirts that are NOT scoop neck, which we were unable to find in the Canadian Old Navy.

    I’m very sorry to hear about your aunt.

    • As for clothes, I didn’t do maternity clothes often. I used my normal jeans the entire time. I used the belly band and the belly button band (it has a button) along with the maternity band to support my abdomen. That reduced my pain and kept my pants up. lol For shirts I could have made my polo shirts last for the whole time basically. You can get a maternity tank top to wear under to avoid the belly peeking out and likely wear your normal shirts for quite a while. I found some random pieces on ebay that worked out for me. I then sent them on to Wateryham. lol So you might be fine without maternity wear, or only for a little while. I recommend the long sleeves since it avoids the stupid tiny girl sleeves. Or even a 3/4 long sleeve. Good luck!

      • Ha ha, I guess it all depends on what your body does – my partner outgrew her regular pants in the first trimester despite not gaining any weight. Now that she’s in the third trimester, she just doesn’t really care what she’s wearing – the bigger she got, the less she cared 😉 Since she’s now on mat leave, she mostly just wears singlets and boxers unless she has to go out, in which case it is kind of anything goes!

      • Ah. I don’t wear tight clothes to begin with so it worked for me. It’s also why I couldn’t wear maternity pants. Why are they all so tight? Lol

  7. I am so sorry about the loss of your & Callie’s aunt. She had a life surrounded by love, and I know you will all remember and honor her life.

    My mom used to chew ice when she was pregnant with us 3 girls, too! I think it’s an iron deficiency? (At least that’s what my mom said). I had bad headaches during two of my pregnancies, starting around 10 weeks. I mean I had it DAILY for many many many weeks. It was hell. I think it went away in the 3rd tri? I really hope that is not the case for you!

    Did you see that maternity line for “butch and pregnant” women? I am not sure if it was just a Kickstarter or a real company. Let me do some googling and see if I can find what I’m talking about.

    PS – Did I already tell you? My guess for you is….(drum roll, please!): GIRL!

  8. Wow. That is quite a mixed bag of emotions for one weekend. Congrats to your sis and family. It sounds like an amazing wedding day. I am very sorry to hear about your Aunt. I think it’s nice to have a memorial or some sort of tribute to the life and impact she had on her loved ones. I think you all need some rest. I’ve never been preggers but I would be disappointed with the maternity clothes too. I remember shopping with my sis. You might be onto something – the chronicles clothing line. Try to take it easy for a bit. 🙂

  9. I’m so sorry to hear about you aunt.

    Yay for a growing baby!! I hear you on the maternity clothes. I’m not girly at all, and I’m having a hard time finding boyish maternity clothes. I did get my first pair of mat jeans though and those are AMAZING!!!!

  10. Best thing I did was buy the clearance “big girl” items from good designers and just use them as maternity. Unless we’re talking about my last month with the twins, when the only thing that fit were my father’s sweatpants and the world’s largest t-shirt. Sexaaaay

  11. My friend, I’m so sorry to hear about your aunt, especially after such an already emotional day. I’m totally with you on the memorial – I’d want something/somewhere to say goodbye and then celebrate their life, y’know? I hope it goes as planned. Really sorry though.

    Your sisters wedding looked awesome! And those aerial shots! How wonderful! What an amazing thing that you got to officiate. I can honestly say I’ve never seen that done – it must have been so special.

    I can’t really relate to the ice but I’ve heard it’s relates to low iron – I’d get that checked out.

    I had the same issue as you when it came to maternity wear. Having short, spiked hair and then a maternity top made me look like something in drag! Adding a bump later on just made me look like a fat drag. I lived in vests and open shirts, maternity jeans, leggings for around the house, and massive hoodies. For work I just bought larger shirts and got away with jeans. Hope you find something – can’t wait to see pictures!


  12. Wow, so much going on I barely know what to say – but wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and your family and continuing to hold you in the Light. May you all find peace. ❤

  13. You have had so much happen so close together. I am so sorry your Aunt passed away and I will be praying for your entire family during this difficult time.
    I also offer my congratulations to your sister. She had lovely ceremony and dress.
    I’m also glad that you are at week 10 and you morning sickness is gone, I will be praying that everything continues well and you and the baby are healthy for your entire pregnancy and beyond. I understand how difficult finding maternity wear that is your style, I’m glad you have a plan of action to get and make clothes. I will keep all your news in my prayers and can’t wait for more updates.

  14. Oh, I am so sorry about your aunt. Her is such a swift and sad story. I think your headaches might just be general overwhelm. You have had a LOT going on.

  15. This post made my heart happy and sad all in one! Congrats to your sister on her big day! The wedding looked amazing, as she did as well! I’m sooo sorry to hear about Callie’s aunt. That’s just heartbreaking. How I feel for her partner. -_- The boys are adorable as ever and Mary is growing like a weed! I hope your baby bump keeps growing nice and healthy, even if it means having to make your own clothes! i know you’ll be awesome at it. i can’t wait to see the finished product. glad you’re all doing well!

  16. What a whirlwind of emotions. Congratulations to the newly weds. And, I’m sorry to hear about your aunt. Thank goodness the nausea has taken a hike because it sounds like you just don’t have the time for that inconvenience! I’m looking forward to following your maternity style…do you follow dapperq on Instagram? I don’t think they’ve featured any sharply dressed pregnant folks yet 😉

  17. Woah, way to have a roller coaster time of life right now. So sorry to hear about Aunt Brit, that sucks. I do hope you find some suitable maternity wear, if all else fails, you can do what I did and buy a size or two bigger than normal.

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