Sun Shower

Have you ever experienced a sun shower in the summer time?  Those are absolutely my favorite!  Despite all of the rain, and all of the foiled plans, and terrible thunder, the sun shines through and brightens your days just a little bit.

The situation with Callie’s aunt has not gotten any better.  In fact, it’s actually gotten worse.  The Dr said, “I thought she had cancer for quite a while, but I see how rapidly it has progressed in the week that she has been here, and it can’t possibly have been long.  A couple of months at the most.  In my 30+ years as a doctor, I have never seen a cancer so fierce and so aggressive.  I could take a biopsy from anywhere on her body and I would find cancer.”  This is a terrible thing to hear.  That sends hope straight out the window bringing on those thunderous dark skies.  She was moved to CCU, put back on a ventilator that jolts her body every time it pumps a breath of air into her.  It’s just gut-wrenching to see.  I keep thinking of hanging out at Thanksgiving and her jumping around on the coffee table singing songs and dancing.  I had never seen her so free and so open in all those years.  And now, she might not even know we are in the room talking and praying for her.  I hold it together for Callie because she is just a mess.  I hold it together for her Aunt Jasmine, who after 35 years, and not a single day apart is not allowed to make any decisions for her life partner.  They aren’t married, they don’t have a domestic partnership, Brit was too sick and sedated to sign her health care proxy.  She keeps mumbling under her breath, “We should have listened to you girls.  We should have gotten married!” and shakes her head, takes a sip of her cold coffee and goes out for her 5th cigarette in 45 minutes.  She’s struggling to keep it together.  It’s a good thing that Brit’s father loves Jasmine and won’t make any decisions without her, because he knows that she knows Brit better than anyone.  But can you imagine, having your “father-in-law” sign the DNR for your “not”wife, and then not being allowed in the CCU room to comfort her in her last hours and holding her hand when they finally take her off of life support because of legal documentation?!  I cannot even begin to process that.  It’s possible that she won’t make it past the weekend.  They gave her “a couple of days at most”, but no one really knows what that means.  So young, just 50 years old.  So unexpected, almost like it was overnight.  We’re all just devastated.  Hopeful, optimistic, but realistic.  We’ve been there every night, slowly, daily, saying good-bye.  Praying for better, but saying you can go if you need to.  It’s hard…

The rain shower?  Amidst all this sadness, my sister gets married on Saturday.  My grandfather who we affectionately call “Welo”, is in town from Puerto Rico for the wedding, and that just makes my heart soar.  He is my absolute favorite.  I spent so much of my childhood enveloped in his arms, while he sang songs to me and rocked me, even at 10 years old.  It’s where I get my eyes.  Where I get my voice.  My sense of humor and my ability to retain the most random information.  I love that man.  Even though my heart is heavy, it is simultaneously aflutter.  He met the boys for the first time and wouldn’t stop playing with them.  He sang songs to them and they looked at him and grabbed gently at his face and laughed and drooled, and it made me weepy because it made me miss my grandmother who passed 20 years ago, who would have LOVED this moment with them.  I excused myself to cry for a moment.  The joy and sadness at that very moment was overwhelming.  But it was beautiful, and in this week of deafening thunder and torrential rainstorms, the sweet respite of my Grandfather Sun Shower was exactly what I needed…



17 thoughts on “Sun Shower

  1. Continuing to hold you and your family in the Light. So glad you have a glimmer of sun shining through the clouds! Sending love and strength to you and yours.

  2. Welo is a very handsome man. I’m
    So sorry for you two’s auntie. That’s horrible, please make as much memories as you can together now.

  3. Welo looks so proud of his boys! I’m glad he got to meet them and love them in person.

    I’m so sorry about Callie’s aunt. It shatters my heart just reading about, I can imagine the sense of helplessness and loss you’re all feeling right about now.

    As always, I am sending all of you love!

  4. This simply breaks my heart for her Aunt and all of you. Sending you love and hugs.

    Glad that your grandfather is here to brighten your days a bit. He looks so young!

  5. This is one of those intense periods of time where you have access to a certainty of what is most important in life. What makes life good and worth it and what can break us, but brings us together. Holding you and yours in the light.

  6. Reading your update about your Aunt broke my heart. I’m so sorry that you and Callie are going through this right now. It sounds really difficult. I hope that she finds some peace soon.

    I’m glad that you have such a close family and that your Welo had a chance to dote on your babies. It’s so wonderful when all your loves can be together.

  7. your Welo is so handsome! I am so glad he came to visit and is getting to love on your sweet boys. that is just something so important.

    also, thinking of all of you everyday and sending you guys my warmest thoughts and prayers. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for all of you to go through. the best anyone can do is just be there for the people you love, and I know that you all are experts in that (and have love overflowing). remember to take good care of yourself & lil’ biscuit. ❤️❤️❤️

  8. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Is it hospital policy that they wouldn’t allow a “non-immediate” family member (by legal definition only) in the room if they were to take her off life support? When my mother in law passed she was surrounded by 25 friends and family and the hospital staff couldn’t have been more accommodating. She had been in a coma for several days so it wasn’t that she expressed this preference, but the hospital staff had a heart. I’m really upset that there is a possibility she won’t be there with her wife if she were to pass. Is hospice an option?

    • And thinking about you guys, hope you are taking the best self-care as possible during this time. Going through something like this is very traumatic.

  9. my heart hurts for you all. that has to be the most difficult situation to be in. my uncle disintegrated quickily as well. diagnosed in May then died in August. It’s nice to hear that her father takes Brit into consideration because you’re absolutely right…. not everyone can say the same. I’m sorry you’re family is struggling, I pray that God gives you all strength during this difficult time.

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