The 30 Day Challenge – Day #29

Day 29-3 Wishes

aladdin_genie

I always wondered what I would wish for if I were given the ever elusive “3 wishes”. Now that I’m taking inventory of all my “wishes”, I’m surprised to see how often they changed. When I was a young kid it was all about toys and Lisa Frank stickers (especially the fuzzy ones!).  When I was a preteen, a collection of the coolest sneakers and tickets to a Spice Girl concert.  Teenager, wishing I could run away and no one would find me, that I was adopted (because there was no way in hell that I was actually BORN into this family) and that I would get a 2000 Mustang convertible for my graduation/birthday present.  Most of those things never happened.  Actually, come to think of it, almost ALL of those things never happened!  My 3 wishes now are totally different…

1)  That my children never have to experience or deal with adversity.
I know that this probaby will never happen and more often than not, it is those experiences that make them strong, but they also make people jaded, and angry and sometimes even recluse and desolate.  I can only hope that my kids pick up the same mentality that I have about things that are really crappy.  Stare it in the face, smile, give a little chuckle, and keep it moving.

2) I wish there was a magic pill that would allow my parents to never die.
For the first time ever, I’m starting to realize that our lives are finite.  At some point, all of them will end.  We will cease to exist and return to the ashes from whence we came.  Although I am okay with MY dying ( I came to terms with that years ago and have never been scared of it), I hate the idea of my parents dying.  I sometimes get flashes of them perishing in a plane crash, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time and someone shoots them, and for the rest of that day, I feel this heaviness in my heart.  My parents are one of the greatest gifts I’ve been blessed with, and it makes me incredibly sad that at one point or another in my life (hopefully 150 years from now) they won’t here.  A pill to keep them around (and looking and feeling young) forever would be AMAZING!

3) That I’m always of sound body and mind to continue to give my family all of me.
I haven’t always been the poster child for perfect health and sound mind.  Who the eff am I kidding!?!  I have NEVER been that person!  As I get older (and apparently wiser – who would have thought, eh?!) I realize how much my family relies on me for so many things.  I’m the sole bread winner, the cheerleader, the positive can-do attitude, the problem solver, the fixer, the “can you put this together?”er, the boo boo mender, the wife pleaser (boom chicka wow wow!), the “he likes it when YOU rock him”er, and the beating heart of my family.  It would really put us in a terrible place if I got sick, or fell back into my self destructive ways.  Having dealt with terrible depression in my life, the fear to go back to that place is excruciating.  What it did to my parents and siblings was bad enough that there is no way that I would ever want to do that to my children or my wife.  I work hard at not stressing out, and have really retrained my brain to embrace all of the good and reject the bad.  It’s been working out pretty well.  I wish more than anything, that I am always healthy and able for them, but also for myself.

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2 thoughts on “The 30 Day Challenge – Day #29

  1. I am SOOOO with you on #s 1 & 2. I hate knowing that our daughter will face adversity just because of me & Catch. And I cannot stand the thought of losing my mom. She is my rock. I will be lost without her.

  2. Don’t wish for #1! Wish for a reasonable amount of adversity – having lesbian parents/being adopted should be plenty : ) If I weren’t gay and disabled I think I would have turned out a crappy person. My sister is white (she is much lighter than me and I pass for white too), heterosexual, and able-bodied, and you would think that paying taxes was climbing Mt. Everest the way she talks about it. She didn’t even think feminism was necessary until she was halfway through her Master’s degree…then she’s like “Huh, I guess women do have some adversity.” I wanted to strangle her! How did she not see what I went through?! How had she gone through 22 years of life without experiencing one drop of discrimination? Her complete obliviousness has not served her well, because now, when anything bad happens to her, it is THE END OF THE WORLD. “My favorite coffee shop closed, what will I doooo?!”

    She is straight white privilege at its finest, and she is not succeeding any more than I am. And I think I am more confident in myself because I have had to address my issues at an earlier age. Adversity really will make them stronger, and I promise it won’t kill you to see them deal with a teeny tiny bit. My parents didn’t even notice, LOL!

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