30 Day Challenge – Day #13 & Day #14

Just a quick story I wanted to share before I get into this challenge…

Lately, when we are out and about as a family, it’s me on one side with a baby in the Moby, Callie on the other with the other baby in the Infantino, and Mary smack in the middle of us both, holding our hands.  We look like that around our neighborhood, at the park, at the grocery store, walking on the Avenue, pretty much everywhere. People always comment on our family and how cute our kids are.  More recently, people have been lingering longer and asking about the babies, and our family, and somehow it always comes up that Mary “looks like the perfect combination of both of you!  My goodness!” But we never really know how Mary is gonna react.  For a long time, when people would say, “And these are your moms?”, she would quickly counter with, “NO!!! They’re not my moms!!!” and that soon turned into, “Not my REAL moms, but my foster moms!” But lately, she doesn’t say anything.  She sorta shrugs and smiles her shyest smile, and then looks at the lights on her sneakers, or changes the conversation quickly to take one of our attention away from engaging in the conversation.  At the grocery store Sunday night, a women and her very pregnant daughter approached us, and as they were admiring our family commented to Mary that she’s beautiful and that she has my nose and gap and the my big round eyes, but that she has Callie’s complexion and eye color and freckles.  She couldn’t believe how well we did that she looked “just like the both of us!” (I’m still not sure whether or not I should be offended about this, but we’ll just say Kudos to social services for literally, a PERFECT MATCH!)  I noticed her withdrawing at that point, and shifting from one foot to the other, so we said “thank you and have a nice day” and went about our grocery store business.  Callie and I talked about it and her behavior when we got home.  We weren’t sure whether or not Mary felt uncomfortable and was withdrawing or if she wanted us to acknowledge her as our daughter.  So yesterday morning before school, Callie had a conversation with her over hairdo’s and shoe-tying.

Callie: You know how people ask if you’re our daughter?
Mary:  Mmm hmm…
Callie: Well, we’re not sure what to say, so we wanted to ask you!  We don’t want to say we’re your “moms” in case it makes you upset because we know you have your other mom too, but we don’t want to say “foster moms” because we love you like a real daughter, so we just wanted to check and see what YOU wanted us to be called.  What do you want us to say when people ask us?
She thinks about it for a minute before answering and then, smiles, but quickly looks embarrassed and nervous…
Mary: Moms..just regular moms….

And that was it.  We are officially, in her heart, her moms…


Day 13-Goals

I don’t have very complicated goals at all.  I mean, I think we all have those universal goals…good job, family, nice house, car, you know the usual stuff, but really I just have one real goal, and it’s one that I have lived by for as long as I remember.

“Make someone laugh every day”

That’s it!  The other stuff in my life, all those material things, finances, jobs, those things all come and go.  They are here one day and gone the next. One year I had over $10,000 in my savings account and the next, I was splitting Ramen for dinner with my best friend.  But the one thing that has never faded from my life, is the laughter.  It resonates! And even in my darkest times, it’s the laughter that stands out the most.  It whirs around, tickling me from the inside out.  I know how it has illuminated the hollow person that I was for so many years.  Laughter can makes someones day, especially those days where it seems like everything’s amiss.  My goal, every day, is to share laughter with as many people as I can.

And speaking of which…How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?!?!  TEN tickles!!!!  ::drops the mic::

Day 14-A picture you love

OUR SPOT

OUR SPOT

This is probably my all time favorite picture of me and my best girl.  It’s so simple, yet everything about it reminds me of our love and how it came to be.  We fell in love right in that spot, on a rainy summer day, while we fished and talked about life, and heartache, and love, and work, and family, and everything that two young people getting to know each other could talk about.  It was there that we cemented out love, and threw out anchors in the water hoping to never drift away from one another.  It was in that same spot that I set up candles and dropped rose petals on the coldest of winter days to propose.  It was there that we told Callie’s parents that we were having twins.  The same spot where Mary caught her first fish, and we knew that this kid, regardless of what happened, was definitely meant to be in our lives.  And this will be the spot that we will teach our boys to swim from, and where they will also catch their first fish or net their first crab.  This one particular spot, in between dock fingers, has become “our spot”, and this picture, no matter how infrequently I see it, always brings a smile to my face and makes the offspring of the offspring from the original butterflies years ago, hatch from their cocoons and flutter all over again!

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28 thoughts on “30 Day Challenge – Day #13 & Day #14

  1. Something that I notice about all of your posts is that they ooooze with love. Love is literally pouring out of them!! I’m so happy to hear how Mary’s concept of her family is changing in a way where you two are now her “moms”, not needing a qualifier. Such an awesome moment. Thank you for sharing with us. It literally made my day! I hope you know that every single one of your posts conjures a good ole belly laugh from me! You are just that good! Think about how many laughter and happiness you get people to unleash with your blog? It’s amazing!!

    • Thanks friend…even though I wasn’t actually there for the moment with Mary, Allie retelling it with tears in her eyes made it one of my favorite moments with Mary in our lives. I notice that every day more and more we are “hers” and she shows it…

      I’m glad I can make you laugh…that’s freaking awesome! Laughter is definitely great medicine…

  2. Seriously, hearing how Callie asked Mary how she wants you to respond to the question about her mom’s and how she responded brought a real tear to my eye! How beautiful that she sees you both as regular mom’s!! Simply a beautiful moment to cherish always!!
    And I love the picture, you two look so content in that moment. Another beautiful moment to always cherish.

    • It’s probably one of favorite moments so far…knowing that she is seeing us and accepting us as her moms really starts to make this whole “we’re probably adopting you” thing more real. And her being able to vocalize those things is amazing…

  3. Ohhh – so wonderful that Mary is in that place now, and perfect communication between Callie and her. I too love that picture of you two. Who took it?

  4. I cried a little reading the Mary story. I’m so touched by her resiliency and of course, by the love you two moms have for her as your little girl.

    And that picture in your spot? It’s perfect. SO many memories there, eh? And one day, you two will be sitting in that spot when you’re old and grey, watching your own grandchildren learn to swim there, catch THEIR first fish, etc…

  5. Awww! Such a beautiful post. It reminded me of when Hope called me Mom the first time, at Christmas. It was so deliberate and the best Xmas gift ever. I’m loving this series. You rock!

    • It’s funny because her teacher tells us that she calls us her moms, and her therapist says that she slips up all the time in their sessions (even when her bio mom was there she would say, “My mom, i mean Sammie” all the time), but she’s only called us Mommy and Mama like twice…but each time it warms my heart…and seriously, what a kick ass christmas present!

  6. What a beautiful story! Y’all are clearly the perfect mamas for Mary! Also, do people know that two girls can’t get pregnant the old fashioned way? Cause lots of people tell us Ansel looks like both of us and we’re like. . . You took sex ed, right? Maybe they’re just being sweet or day the same thing to everyone? Anyway love your beautiful family!

  7. Mary is such a great kid! It’s so good that she knows what she wants you to say that will make her happiest. I love that people comment on how she looks like both of you (I assume they are trying to compliment your choice of sperm donor or something?). When we had our baby, who is 100% African-American, I would carry her around and someone trying to be very “PC” said, “Aww, she’s so cute, which of you had her?” I was like…do you not understand how race works? (Neither of us is black at all, and most people assume I’m white.) This baby could literally not have come out of me, or my wife. But thanks for trying to be super open-minded, I guess! One woman at the grocery store was “so glad I finally had the baby” and swore she saw me pregnant a couple months earlier. Nope! Also, literally could not be my baby! But thank you for thinking that I could have created someone so beautiful!

    It’s also nice that people comment on Mary when they are oohing over the babies. Most people would ignore our toddler and just go on about the baby (our toddler had some behavioral issues that I suppose made her less “cute” in public).

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