Callie’s Job and One of Those Days

I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions for about a week now.  All I wanted to do was cuddle my boys and sleep. Yesterday I spent most of my day avoiding people as tears continuously made their way down my cheeks.  I never let people see me cry, especially people I hardly know, but for some strange reason, yesterday on lunch break, I unloaded on one of my co-workers.  She has 2 kids that just went off to college, and can totally relate to the “I miss my kids terribly when we are away from them” feelings.  It was just a miserable day, and I can’t shake it.  This feeling of helplessness and despair, and anyone who has suffered from depression and anxiety will understand the ” cold, empty feeling at the pit of my stomach”, and that is the feeling I have had for 4 days now.  That is the feeling that refuses to leave me, and it’s making me terribly sad.  I miss my wife, and spending time with her.  I knew that having kids would change things, but I don’t know why I didn’t expect our time to be consumed with all things “children”, and I feel like I’m losing it!  I didn’t expect it to be this hard.  I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be juggling work, parenting 3 children, my relationship with my wife, keeping our home tidy, and maintaining relationships with my friends and family.  It’s hard as hell!  And right now, it’s all hitting me at once, and I’m having a breakdown.  I know I’ll get over it, and I know I just need a good cuddle from my wonderful wife (who I miss like crazy!) and a good cry (which I’ll have later as we lay in bed catching up on our tv shows).  Hopefully the rest of this week will be better and I’ll be able to shake off all of this horrible sadness.  What worries me is that this is a feeling I have had before, and dealing with it was very difficult and complicated.  I might actually seek some professional help, at least for a little while, if this issue doesn’t resolve itself.  I want to be here for my family, and I want to be present and happy, and not just going through the motions as I secretly deteriorate inside and am of no good to anybody.

HOW I'VE BEEN FEELING

HOW I’VE BEEN FEELING

Wanna know what doesn’t help?  The fact that Callie’s job called her today to let her know that the position that she has held for the past 13 of 15 years at her company was given to someone else.  She has officially been replaced!  Her Human Resources manager and District Vice President called her today to break the news to her.  They sort of didn’t really know what to say when Callie shot back with a bunch of questions.  Basically, I’ll give you the abridged version of what’s been happening at her job…

Callie has always been in good standing at her job.  She has been awarded “Diamond Director” (revenue of over a million dollars for her school), she has been sent to other schools in her district (NY, NJ, CT, PA area) to train other directors and show them the ropes, and she has never been written up (until the week before she went on leave, and was written up for supposedly 3 years worth of infractions).  During Hurricane Sandy in 2012, everything sort of changed.  Carmen, the new district vice president (who really didn’t like Callie before becoming DVP) claimed that Callie didn’t care about her school and didn’t make her way there to check on the school and see what the status was.  She claimed that Callie was being irresponsible, and told all of the higher ups that Callie made no attempts to communicate with her.  If you lived anywhere in the Tri-state area during Hurricane Sandy, then you know the devastation that it caused.  Although we were without power, heat, and the roads surrounding our house were completely flooded and the surrounding neighborhood was almost a foot under water (we literally live across the street from the Long Island Sound), Callie managed to save power on her phone by keeping it off and touching base with her boss and checking voicemails, AND calling Con-ed (our local power company) to check the status of her school.  IMG_0409

BEFORE THE STORM EVEN STARTED WE WERE UNDER ABOUT A FOOT OF WATER ON MY BLOCK

BEFORE THE STORM EVEN STARTED WE WERE UNDER ABOUT A FOOT OF WATER ON MY BLOCK

She was as responsible as you could be during such a horrible time.  Well, her boss didn’t see it that way!  They had a huge blow out, and since then, they have kept their distance.  They only communicate when they have to, and really any time Carmen has something to say to Callie she communicates it through one of her district managers.  It’s annoying and infuriating! Needless to say, the past two years have involved challenge after challenge for Callie (unnecessarily) mainly because her boss doesn’t like her, making it difficult for Callie to run a successful school.  They blame her for poor teacher retention rate, but what teacher with a masters degree is going to work for $13/hour?  The DVP has the ability to approve a higher pay rate, but she won’t because she hates Callie and that she is a fighter for things that are right and fair.  If the teachers keep leaving because they feel that they aren’t getting paid for the job that they are doing, the parents are seeing inconsistency in the program, so lots of families started leaving.  I would pull my kid too if he went through 4 teachers in 6 months!  Callie managed to persuade some of them to stay because she has such a great relationship with them and ultimately it’s a great school and a great program, but really, it’s been an uphill battle trying to get that school to run.  Callie didn’t want to go back, but after working in the field for so many years, she was scared to make a change and start fresh.  This is kind of the push that she needed, but it’s the principal!  They waited for her to go on leave, surpass her FMLA, and within 3 days of the allotted time frame they replaced her!  They couldn’t even give her the decency of calling before hand and asking her what she wanted to do.  If she was planning on coming back or if she was extending her leave.  It’s just been a mess!  So with all the other stress that I am dealing with, I now also have to figure out how on my salary, I am going to support a family of 5, while Callie tries to find a job that pays half as much as she was getting paid.  It’s going to be a struggle, and no doubt that we can do it, but it’s making my situation and feelings much worse.

I want to be the best Mama I can be, so I’m doing my best…but man, these times are hard…

And to lighten the mood a bit, these guys:

LEVI JAMES - THE MACHO MAN

LEVI JAMES – THE MACHO MAN

LJ1 LJ2

Sleeping Nene nene1

NOAH OSCAR - EL NENE

NOAH OSCAR – EL NENE

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31 thoughts on “Callie’s Job and One of Those Days

  1. Oh, goodness. I wish I could bring you into my arms and just give you the biggest hug possible. Did you know that even non-gestational parents can get PPD? That may be part of it. That coupled with less sleep than you usually get, the huge change of going back to work as a parent of 3, and juggling everything…who WOULDN’T be struggling a bit?! This is normal, and you are so wise to talk about it, let yourself cry, and consider getting professional help.

    Callie’s place of employment sounds like it’s run by an ignorant @sshole, and I’m so sorry she’s been replaced in such a cold-hearted way. Really chaps my ass. But I know you two will be okay, and because she’s so fabulous, she will find something that is a better fit. I always tell myself when a loss like this occurs, it is only because the Universe is opening up space in my life for something new, something better.

    Please know we are all here for you when you need to talk (if you have time to blog/call/email/message on FB). I’m thinking of you and sending healing energy your way.

    • Thanks Lindsay..wanna know something….this made me cry! It’s horrible! I’m a blubbering mess, and it just sucks. I know i’ll get over it eventually, but it’s really just bringing me down. I have to look into this PPD thing because I’ve never even heard of it. I feel like a bad mom, you have no idea…thanks for your kind words, and trust me, I felt that hug all the way here…and Callie’s job really is run by a bunch of jerks…you’re right…the Universe has something better in store for us, for Callie…

  2. That’s a bunch of BS! But ultimately, is best she’s out of there. I’m so sorry things are so hard! So glad you are reaching out for help. I’m keeping you all in my prayers.

  3. Do you have any friends who work in employment law? While you can’t get the job back you guys might be able to get some vindication. I hope Callie finds a great job soon, she’s clearly developed a lot of great skills that can surely translate well to other fields.

    • I would look into this too! The timing is more than suspicious. Ask around for a free consultation with an employment attorney. You’ll get 30 minutes free and the attorney can give you an indication whether or not you have a claim!

  4. I am sorry that you are having such a challenging time! First, I strongly recommend finding professional help ASAP, if you are struggling asking for help early might be the best lifesaver out there. I know our counsellor has been a huge reason why we’ve survived the last few years, and I know asking for help just a few weeks ago really helped me even though I really didn’t want to do it.
    Second, it sounds like a horrible situation for Callie to be replaced right now, but it also sounds like she really needed to leave for her own mental health. That said, I understand how clearly she would have liked to leave on her own terms. Funny how life never goes perfectly. I like the idea of talking to someone in employment law to see about your options. And I also hope that in 6 months time when Callie has a new job that she loves, you look back at this and laugh about how great everything worked out.

  5. You are right in that you will get through it but right now it is tough as hell and you are so brave to acknowledge that and say hey I may be needing help here. I know first hand how hard it is to be the one that is expected to keep it together as the non-birth mom. You are the one who is suppose to be the supportive one when in actuality you are needing some support of your own. It’s ok to cry, ask for cuddles from your wife or seek professional help. Whatever you as a mom are needing get it! I am sending you so many positive thoughts and hugs. Hang in there and find joy in the faces of those two precious babies you get to come home to every night.

  6. Well, I won’t say anything that others haven’t already said, because clearly this circle of bloggers and friends is AMAZING, but sometimes I find hearing the same thing from lots of people is both helpful and vindicating.
    So first, holy cow, you have been going through SO MANY CHANGES over the last year +, it’s not surprising you’re feeling so completely overwhelmed. You could probably check off more than half the “stressors that can indicate the potential for depression” boxes that my doctor used to have me fill out at each appointment! Don’t think of it as an indication that things aren’t wonderful in so much of your life, but that you’re under a whole lot of stress. Talking it out/getting help early makes a huge difference. Be gentle with yourself.
    Second. Callie’s boss…I feel mama rage rising. That is so far beyond outrageous. I hope that the benefit of being AMAZING at what she does comes back a thousand-fold to you all. ❤

    • You’re so right. There are so many amazing things going on in my life, and I do my best every day to acknowledge them. I have an amazing support system that would never let me fail too terribly…LOL. And Callie put a lot of things into perspective for me last night when we talked. She said that I’ve been taking on so much these past few months (her on bed rest and taking care of everything at home, most of Mary’s stuff, new job, now the twins) and i’ve probably hit my breaking point. Either way, i reached out to some therapist and hopefully will start seeing one soon. Like you said, I definitely want to take care of this sooner than later…thank you friend for your kind words…this network of people is truly awesome!

  7. Like littlerainbowbug I can’t add anything new because everyone else is indeed awesome. But FFS – Callie’s boss sucks some serious arse. Sounds a bit like a passive aggressive woman I’m dealing with at work / on the school Board I’m on. I agree she’ll be better off out, but to do it in such an underhand way is awful. for Callie to go from diamond director to dropped so harshly is no reflection on her, it is a reflection of her sick work environment. Tscha. I’m feeling the worry / pinch of loss of income as (I believe due to my work/board nemisis), my contract wasn’t renewed last night, so it finishes in March – which will leave me without my 16 weeks paid parental leave 😦 Toku is okay with it as she didn’t want me working somewhere I wasn’t appreciated, (& dealing with this woman’s drama has been a PITA), but I feel awful about the pressure that will go on her. And my chances of finding a part time position that suits, is prepared for me to go on maternity leave a couple of months after starting etc – in our rural situation will be pretty much impossible. However as I lie here and type this baby boy is kicking me and I know everything will work out fine.
    So – in a large nutshell – f#ck em all and sending you empathy and love.

  8. Do you ever read momastery.com? She always says that life is brutiful (brutal and beautiful) and having become a parent 2 weeks ago it has only become more true. Being a mama is so brutal and so beautiful! And you and Callie are doing it with grace. Everybody else has said all the important things… And ps let the tears out because why not express that its brutal, its part of being human! Hang in there friend, you can do hard things, you can do this!

    • Thanks Sarah…I’m gonna check that out…and brutiful explains it perfectly. All in one hour you can have the most amazing things happen (like Levi smiling when i sing his special song) and something so not (me having a 20 minute hyperventilating breakdown trying to explain to Callie what I’m feeling). Brutiful it is….Thank you friend

    • I agree with everything everyone else has already said. I’m so sorry things are so hard right now. Callie’s job situation really sucks. Such lousy timing for you guys. It would be impossible not to be a mess given everything you two have going on. Two new babies, foster kid issues, job situations, lack of sleep… it’s a lot for ANYONE. You are only human. BUT, you are doing all of the right things, and I know that you’ll be back on your feet in no time. Sending lots of hugs.

      • Whoops–didn’t mean to post this as a reply to the above. I totally forgot that I was going to comment and say that Glennon Doyle & Momastery.com are totally worth checking out. She is one funny, insightful, down-to-earth woman.

  9. I would just like to add that my mom successfully sued for she discrimination when she was forced to resign one of her jobs. She didn’t get much out of it financially, lawyer fees ate up basically everything.

    • Callie is actually home right now doing some research to see if she can get a consult with a lawyer. She claims that the legal department at her job is really good about wording things to avoid lawsuits, but I told her that she never knows…so we’re gonna look into it.,..

  10. That, my friend, is some heavy weight on your shoulders and in your heart. I wish I could help in some way. I’m sorry you’re feeling so all-around crappy right now, but I am glad that you are so self-aware and being proactive about it. It sucks that Callie has been targeted by her boss. I know how that feels, and while it sucks to have to look for a new job, she’s better off not being in that negative environment. I hope she finds something when she’s ready. In the meantime, we’re sending you 5 big hugs from Canada!

  11. Big hug coming your way. And for Callie too, nothing sucks more than being underappreciated in the workplace just because someone with authority doesn’t agree or like you. I think their actions say more about them than about Callie. Always here with an ear and hope things start to ease up. You are all doing the best you can, and that is all you can ever do. X

  12. It totally sounds like PPD. My heart aches for you. That is a lot of stress on you and a lot of missing the ones you love. The complete exhaustion and sleep deprivation could make anyone fold. I broke down a lot after dylan was born and that was with only one baby. Be easy on yourself. Get some help because you deserve someone who has the energy to realky hear you right now and try to help. Also, make sure you are eating well, it can make a huge difference!

  13. What a whirlwind of emotions and situations your having to handle. I’m so sorry! Tell Callie how sorry I am for her to have lost her job too, totally unfair. Those boys are getting cuter and cuter. I would love to hear about how Callie’s postpartum is going.

  14. I’m sorry this is happeneing right now! I have no words of advice as I would be a blubbering mess right now as well! All I can say is FTW! Confession time: when I’m sad and/or freaking out I sniff my babies….do it! I hope things turn around soon ❤

  15. I’m so sorry to read how hard things are. And that is just terrible about Callie’s job. LIfe with babies is hard. We are almost 9 months in and it’s easier now, but honestly not much. It’s also so much better. Without saying too much, my wife has had similar struggles to what you’ve written about. She’s said almost word for word the same thing. She eventually did go to her therapist and is working on it. Hang in there. It might get harder before it gets better. I hope it just gets better though of course. Hugs.

  16. 😦 So terribly sorry to read this. Being an adult is so hard sometimes. Thinking of you guys and hopefully new doors opening soon xx

  17. Pingback: A Whole Year | thechroniclesofanonbellymama

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